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New and recently self identifying as autistic

Heather85

Hi im 41 and from Greater Manchester, I live with my husband and 3 children, my middle child is non verbal autistic.

I've had many mental health struggles all my life, always had social issues, left school early because I couldn't cope. My life has been very restricted for about 21 years now where I wont leave the house other than if my husband drives me (I dont drive) door to door and that can go months I wont even do that, the whole socialising is too much. I also have phobias that makes things worse too.

Recently I've come to the realisation that im autistic and right now is a massive struggle, its so overwhelming understanding about my behaviours and experiences from my past and now. My daughter is going through a tough time too and even though she is non verbal and low functioning autistic I feel she can sense the struggles with me also.

Im starting private therapy in September once the children are back at school, the therapist deals with neurodivergents, phobias and past trauma, ive had many therapy through the nhs but they always offer CBT and it just doesn't work for most things with me, so fingers crossed this multiple different approach with this therapist in September will be the right fit.

I don't really want to go down the assessment route at the moment and maybe i never will. Just wanted to speak with other people self Identifying or diagnosed autistic people.

Sorry for the long rambling first message, I tend to do that ramble or dont talk at all Sweat smile.

Thank you for reading,

Heather

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    What country are you original from? Good luck with you trying to gain a German citizenship.

    20 years is long time but it's great now you have got the right therapy help, what different therapeutic techniques does your therapist do? Hope you dont mind me asking, I've just previously only had CBT multiple times and hope the approach of the private therapist i start seeing next month is a better.

    Yes i noticed most here in England want information from someone who knows you as a child which i wouldn't really want to ask my family I don't see them really but some say they would except information from my husband, I've been with him since i was 18. I wish you the best of luck with your assessment.

  • in reply to Alexa

    That's really tough that's how it is in Scotland over assessments, i hope it changes in the near future, i had no idea it was that different from here in England.

  • in reply to Heather85
    Heather85 said:
    Are you from the UK if you don't mind me asking?

    No and I've never been there. I'm living in Germany (but I'm not German either) I'm gonna apply for citizenship. I have my therapy,  my therapist first said he thinks I have atypical autism (previously pdd nos, but then after some time he mentioned Asperger Syndrome. Germany still diagnoses according to ICD-10. So if he us right, then I would receive the Asperger Syndrome diagnosis. I got this therapy at least 20 years later than I should,  but better later than never. I'm going private because i have savings, the waiting times for assessments covered by insurance are insanely long, in years and there is a requirement,  that I must have informant, who is my family member (parents or siblings) they don't accept long term friend. This assessor is fine with me coming without informant, but with evidence in documents and photos instead. She may need some info from my husband,  but he is very much willing to help me, because he sees my struggles. 

  • in reply to Heather85

    There may still be NHS adult assessments of autism in some Scottish regions, but it's a small number and the waiting lists are awful. Plus, waiting lists are closing all the time, so being on one is no guaratee of an eventual assessment.
    Yes, it would be nice if they do accept my diagnosis. [cross fingers]..  

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    Hi thank you for your kind words. Good luck with your assessment. Are you from the UK if you don't mind me asking?

  • in reply to Alexa

    I hope they do decide to recognise your diagnosis

  • in reply to Heather85
    Heather85 said:
    Now you have the diagnosis will your gp/nhs put it on your records as an official diagnosis?

    Not necessarily. They don't have to. I hope my GP practice is willing to recognise my diagnosis. I selected a clinician in Glasgow with a traxk record of having her diagnoses accepted, but who knows?

  • in reply to Alexa

    Oh I didn't know that they didn't do adult diagnosis on the NHS in Scotland, thats a bit hard you had to go down the private route instead. Now you have the diagnosis will your gp/nhs put it on your records as an official diagnosis? Sorry I'm being nosey, just when looking into it myself what options are out there and if I wanted to go down that route at all it was saying they might not acknowledge it if it's private.

    Yeah its hard isn't it people seem to think its one size fits all and just because you don't match another person they know has autism then in their eyes it can't be true. It's hard enough isn't it dealing with realisation how it affects you and you sometimes feel like a fake like I'm obviously wrong about it because of such a thing.

  • Hi, welcome to the community, there are many late identified or diagnosed autistic and people with other commorbid conditions. I hope you find here like minded people. I'm waiting for my assessment autumn this year,  it's private. 

  • in reply to Heather85
    Heather85 said:
    Can I ask what age you realised and/or was diagnosed?

    It's all very recent for me. I'm in my early 70s and was diagnosed a few days ago. For some years, I've been thinking I'm neurodiverse but a well-meaning friend said I couldn't be autistic as she was measuring me against  her low-masking son and ex. I put it aside until a few months ago, when my closest friend suggested it. I started reading about female autism and it was one of those 'wow' moments. In Scotland, there are no NHS diagnoses for adults, so I went private as I didn't feel confident about self-identifying. 

  • in reply to Alexa

    Thank you for your kinds words. It does seem like a welcoming community, I'm sort of already feeling a bit calmer here reading through posts and adding some comments, its a lot more welcoming and safer than forums I've tried in the past for mental health issues. Can I ask what age you realised and/or was diagnosed?

  • Big virtual hugs. It's really tough reviewing one's past in the light of teh realisation one is autistic and all of us late-diagnosed people go through that, so you're not alone. This is a safe community, so take a deep breath and enjoy it here. Heart

  • Sorry I realised ive put the wrong emoji i meant to put Joy not Sweat smile