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Starting a relationship and everything that comes with it

AmyLR94

Hi,

I’m not sure how to put this but I thought this place would be good for this kind of question.

So I’ve been single for many years 10 years+. I’ve never really had a serious relationship, when I did start a relationship I would get a terrified feeling and break up with the person straight away. 

Now that I will be 32 in November I feel lonely, and that I am missing out in life. But I am literally terrified of everything to do with relationships. I’ve tried dating apps (I really hate those) and had people interested but when we try to start something I just back out of it. 
I’m trying speed dating lately and feel this is better for me because I am actually talking to the guy, but I am terrified to start anything with any of the guys. I’m scared of the progression, everything to do with a relationship, actually having sex one day (this is my major thing I am scared of), worried I would be to boring or too guarded, worried I will fall out of interest of the person, worried of being cheated on or end up in an abusive relationship (my mum has been in a emotional and verbally abusive relationship with my dad, and only realising in the last couple of years).

I’m just terrified of everything…too terrified to actually try something. I would love to have children one day but I’ve always had trouble with my periods so I fear I won’t be able to have children or something. 
I always envy other couples, my brother etc even though I know we should never compare…I just can’t help myself. I just feel lost, lonely and feel like I am missing out on things.

So…I have no idea how to overcome this or anything x

Parents

  • You could consider places where meeting feels more natural or authentic. Some examples are:

    1. Participate in an activity that you enjoy: reading group, climate action group, human rights groups, autism local community (I don't think this happens much online). This in a way narrows down the people to those you've some strong overlap of interest.
    2. Volunteer in some place: people tend to be more relaxed, and have more time to listen to each other. This way can also narrow down if you pick up a place that relates to some interest (say farming), and also involves --usually-- a relaxed atmosphere.  

    There may be other examples people can add, which they found useful.

    At least for me, the naturalness and circumstances I meet someone are quite important, and affect the relationship forwards (trust, for example).

Reply

  • You could consider places where meeting feels more natural or authentic. Some examples are:

    1. Participate in an activity that you enjoy: reading group, climate action group, human rights groups, autism local community (I don't think this happens much online). This in a way narrows down the people to those you've some strong overlap of interest.
    2. Volunteer in some place: people tend to be more relaxed, and have more time to listen to each other. This way can also narrow down if you pick up a place that relates to some interest (say farming), and also involves --usually-- a relaxed atmosphere.  

    There may be other examples people can add, which they found useful.

    At least for me, the naturalness and circumstances I meet someone are quite important, and affect the relationship forwards (trust, for example).

Children
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