• Replies 1 reply
  • Subscribers 5 subscribers
  • Views 15 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Starting a relationship and everything that comes with it

AmyLR94

Hi,

I’m not sure how to put this but I thought this place would be good for this kind of question.

So I’ve been single for many years 10 years+. I’ve never really had a serious relationship, when I did start a relationship I would get a terrified feeling and break up with the person straight away. 

Now that I will be 32 in November I feel lonely, and that I am missing out in life. But I am literally terrified of everything to do with relationships. I’ve tried dating apps (I really hate those) and had people interested but when we try to start something I just back out of it. 
I’m trying speed dating lately and feel this is better for me because I am actually talking to the guy, but I am terrified to start anything with any of the guys. I’m scared of the progression, everything to do with a relationship, actually having sex one day (this is my major thing I am scared of), worried I would be to boring or too guarded, worried I will fall out of interest of the person, worried of being cheated on or end up in an abusive relationship (my mum has been in a emotional and verbally abusive relationship with my dad, and only realising in the last couple of years).

I’m just terrified of everything…too terrified to actually try something. I would love to have children one day but I’ve always had trouble with my periods so I fear I won’t be able to have children or something. 
I always envy other couples, my brother etc even though I know we should never compare…I just can’t help myself. I just feel lost, lonely and feel like I am missing out on things.

So…I have no idea how to overcome this or anything x

Parents
  • AmyLR94 said:
    I’m just terrified of everything…too terrified to actually try something.

    This seems to be at the core of your issues here, and it is beyond our abilities to try to offer meaningful help unfortunately.

    Personally I think you should speak to a psychotherapist about all of this (make sure they have a lot of experience of dealing with autists) and be ready to talk openly about your fears. They should be non judgemental and help you look at what is causing your fear and help you gain control over it with practice.

    This is the right sort of specialist who can offer the guidance, offer tools / techniques for you to use on your own and help you process the traumas that have led you to this state of fear that you now live in.

    At the end of the day there is no obligation to date anyone so it will help to talk to the therapist about what it is you want so they can help you understand if it is really what you think it is. Maybe it is a fear of missing out, a fear of dying alone or something else - they have the training and skills to help guide, support and develop your skills to achieve what it is you want.

    Of course I'm just some random person off the internet so don't just take my word for it.

    Good luck with whatever you do.

Reply
  • AmyLR94 said:
    I’m just terrified of everything…too terrified to actually try something.

    This seems to be at the core of your issues here, and it is beyond our abilities to try to offer meaningful help unfortunately.

    Personally I think you should speak to a psychotherapist about all of this (make sure they have a lot of experience of dealing with autists) and be ready to talk openly about your fears. They should be non judgemental and help you look at what is causing your fear and help you gain control over it with practice.

    This is the right sort of specialist who can offer the guidance, offer tools / techniques for you to use on your own and help you process the traumas that have led you to this state of fear that you now live in.

    At the end of the day there is no obligation to date anyone so it will help to talk to the therapist about what it is you want so they can help you understand if it is really what you think it is. Maybe it is a fear of missing out, a fear of dying alone or something else - they have the training and skills to help guide, support and develop your skills to achieve what it is you want.

    Of course I'm just some random person off the internet so don't just take my word for it.

    Good luck with whatever you do.

Children
No Data