I just did the assessment

Well done for getting through it. I hope you are treating yourself  to something really nice this evening. 

I very much align with your experience. I have a recent diagnosis so very early days for me

Thank you so much for your honesty. Sounds like you've been through a lot. 

Some feel relief, some feel validated, some feel it explains stuff and get some satisfaction. Some find it positive. It depends on you starting point and history.

I was burnt out, struggling, a bit emotionally dysregulated, with executive functioning issues, putting off everything I could like bills, my work was a third of normal, and struggling with thoughts of the past.

My feelings may not be typical, but it was hard.

I felt sad as I finally knew I was different, no matter how hard I had tried i was never going to have been the same. All that effort for what. I had overcome so much but I'd had one hand tied behind my back.

I felt lost. Who was I, what did I like or want.

I feel an immense sense of loss. I imagined how things could have been if I'd known.

Later, briefly I felt anger, but I did not allow this to settle as it does not help.

I felt grief. This was the overriding one. I have spent most of my life alone for reasons I did not understand so I could cope and try to achieve something at work. I split with my partner a long time ago, as it burnt me out and caused huge confusion and other issues, and i never found anyone else. All this was maybe not necessary.

I'd pressured myself so much. My report highlighted childhood emotional neglect which made things doubly hard. I struggled outside of formal environments and most of my life has been solitary, just me in my head.

Struggling to mask, fit in, achieve more than others, with no allowance myself, with all feelings squashed and things buried, had left me with a lot of baggage. It all came out. I had coped too well for too long. I should have failed earlier and then help would have been obvious,  but I'd found ways to keep going and hidden it all.

I thought it might finally break me. Remember I was dysregulated due to burnout, this was why I'd ended up privately at diagnosis after speaking to clinical psychologists. I couldn't figure out what was up.

It has taken a year, but I am a better place now than I have  been for a long time. I am not burnt out, my  past has been processed. I addressed things I didn't have words for and were just sitting there in the background. I have stopped pushing so hard. I feel more free. There is still more to do to work out what I still want and can realistically get from life. The stress has affected one of my eyes.

But it was very hard. I did not expect the journey I started 15 months ago. I have journaled everyday, writing lots in chatGPT. I note it's comments, then ask for other ideas and argue with it. The way I use it is not typical, and it does not reinforce ideas. It has allowed me to see myself.

It is a journey that is personal, because each person's path and experiences are different  The diagnosis is just the starting point. But face things, struggle through, and it will get better. It takes courage and determination, because things can get worse before they get better and it seems like it won't at times. But you have courage and determination, else you would not be where you are now. You just need to keep faith. You can have a better version of you if you try  and are willing to change things. 

Sorry for the long reply.

That is exactly how I feel, like I wasn't autistic enough.

How did you feel after the result? 

It is a surprisingly strange thing, talking about yourself. I felt a bit weird afterwards.

I found it hard not knowing the result and waiting. I kept fishing but they would give no hint. I was sure they were going to say I was normal. I didn't think I was autistic enough. I just tried to be honest. But I ended up meeting all the criteria.

Anyway, well done.

I found it hard to prepare for the result. I saw pros and cons to both results. I didn't feel how I thought I would feel when I got the result.

Well congrats on getting through the assessment process! I hope you get the response that you are looking for.