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Scared of going for a diagnosis

Alice

Hi All,

I'm new to community and looking for general support and advise...

I have been slowly coming to realisation that I'm likely Autistic and it has taken a lot of time piecing things together to come to this point.

The issue I'm now having is going for a diagnosis scares me silly. I worry about not being authentic and it all being in my head. Being a woman and learning to mask to survive to a level that I'm not even aware of scares me that I might not get the diagnosis. Having no-one from my childhood years that can provide information, very little of my own memory as a child and evidence as a child also means I worry I can't get diagnosis.  

These doubts stop my going ahead as it become too overwhelming for me, but I also need help to then start the unmasking process and get help getting to know people. I feel quite lonely at the moment and don't really have friends or family I can open up to.

Bit of a ramble above, but looking to see have others had this same experience of emotions and feeling of the process? Some confirmation from others of similar experiences to my own could really help alleviate the anxiety.

Also, any advise on your experience as a woman going through process would be gladly received.

Thank, Alice

Parents

  • Hi Alice,

    I just wanted to say that I recognised so much of what you’ve written. Although I’m a man rather than a woman, I had many of the same fears before my assessment.

    I spent a long time worrying that I wasn’t “autistic enough” and that I’d somehow be putting it on without meaning to. Looking back now, I think those thoughts came from years of masking and questioning myself. I was so used to trying to fit in that I wasn’t sure what was genuinely me anymore.

    I also worried about my childhood because I couldn’t remember much and there were gaps in the information available. My assessment didn’t rely on me remembering every detail. The clinicians were interested in my whole life, how I experience the world now, and any examples I could provide. They understood that memories aren’t always clear.

    One thing I found was that I didn’t need to perform or prove anything. I just answered honestly, even when I thought my answers sounded silly or didn’t seem “autistic enough.” Ironically, the things I thought were completely normal turned out to be the things that reflected my autism the most.

    Getting my diagnosis was a huge relief because it finally explained why I’d struggled with things that other people seemed to find easy. It didn’t change who I was, but it helped me understand myself with a lot more compassion.

    I know it’s incredibly daunting, but you’re definitely not alone in feeling like this. From what you’ve written, it sounds like you’ve put a lot of thought into understanding yourself, and I hope you find the answers you’re looking for. Whatever the outcome, you deserve to be listened to and taken seriously.

    Wishing you all the best with whatever you decide to do.

    Alan 

Reply

  • Hi Alice,

    I just wanted to say that I recognised so much of what you’ve written. Although I’m a man rather than a woman, I had many of the same fears before my assessment.

    I spent a long time worrying that I wasn’t “autistic enough” and that I’d somehow be putting it on without meaning to. Looking back now, I think those thoughts came from years of masking and questioning myself. I was so used to trying to fit in that I wasn’t sure what was genuinely me anymore.

    I also worried about my childhood because I couldn’t remember much and there were gaps in the information available. My assessment didn’t rely on me remembering every detail. The clinicians were interested in my whole life, how I experience the world now, and any examples I could provide. They understood that memories aren’t always clear.

    One thing I found was that I didn’t need to perform or prove anything. I just answered honestly, even when I thought my answers sounded silly or didn’t seem “autistic enough.” Ironically, the things I thought were completely normal turned out to be the things that reflected my autism the most.

    Getting my diagnosis was a huge relief because it finally explained why I’d struggled with things that other people seemed to find easy. It didn’t change who I was, but it helped me understand myself with a lot more compassion.

    I know it’s incredibly daunting, but you’re definitely not alone in feeling like this. From what you’ve written, it sounds like you’ve put a lot of thought into understanding yourself, and I hope you find the answers you’re looking for. Whatever the outcome, you deserve to be listened to and taken seriously.

    Wishing you all the best with whatever you decide to do.

    Alan 

Children
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