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Scared of going for a diagnosis

Alice

Hi All,

I'm new to community and looking for general support and advise...

I have been slowly coming to realisation that I'm likely Autistic and it has taken a lot of time piecing things together to come to this point.

The issue I'm now having is going for a diagnosis scares me silly. I worry about not being authentic and it all being in my head. Being a woman and learning to mask to survive to a level that I'm not even aware of scares me that I might not get the diagnosis. Having no-one from my childhood years that can provide information, very little of my own memory as a child and evidence as a child also means I worry I can't get diagnosis.  

These doubts stop my going ahead as it become too overwhelming for me, but I also need help to then start the unmasking process and get help getting to know people. I feel quite lonely at the moment and don't really have friends or family I can open up to.

Bit of a ramble above, but looking to see have others had this same experience of emotions and feeling of the process? Some confirmation from others of similar experiences to my own could really help alleviate the anxiety.

Also, any advise on your experience as a woman going through process would be gladly received.

Thank, Alice

Parents

  • I already posted a reply here, but have some more thoughts. 

    I researched today a phrase "where is the boundary between Broader Autism Phenotype and ASD. So first there was the information,  that in ASD the autistic traits cause an impairment in daily life. In BAP- not. But it's all not that 0-1, black and white, unfortunately. I like having everything clear and 0-1. But the whole spectrum is not that clear. It was even written, that the difference is often blurry. One person may be considered ASD (meeting the criteria) in certain environments (more demanding) and then if thus person gets support, they function better, then they may not be considered Autistic anymore. Which I find ridiculous,  because everything in life changes, but autism is (as professionals say) a life long condition. So for this reason I decided,  that even if I hear from my assessor, that I currently don't meet the criteria, I would still stay here, because I found my place here. For me a negative diagnosis would mean, that 1) the subjective opinion of this professional is that im not autistic enough; 2) there is probably no support for me out there anyway.

    If in any circumstances I lose my closest family members,  then I would need an external help. Then I would suddenly fit the criteria. But taking the uncertainty and long waiting times, it could be crucial for me to have the diagnosis as soon as possible,  but it could be impossible. 

    So all this is confusing for me, there are too many voices, opinions,  one assessor would give this dx, another one- not. The only thing I'm currently sure is that I have quite strong autistic traits, that are present since ever. I'm for sure BAP somewhere close to the ASD. Or ASD. I also found out, that many people considered "BAP" also struggle with anxiety and depression as a result of their autistic traits. 

Reply

  • I already posted a reply here, but have some more thoughts. 

    I researched today a phrase "where is the boundary between Broader Autism Phenotype and ASD. So first there was the information,  that in ASD the autistic traits cause an impairment in daily life. In BAP- not. But it's all not that 0-1, black and white, unfortunately. I like having everything clear and 0-1. But the whole spectrum is not that clear. It was even written, that the difference is often blurry. One person may be considered ASD (meeting the criteria) in certain environments (more demanding) and then if thus person gets support, they function better, then they may not be considered Autistic anymore. Which I find ridiculous,  because everything in life changes, but autism is (as professionals say) a life long condition. So for this reason I decided,  that even if I hear from my assessor, that I currently don't meet the criteria, I would still stay here, because I found my place here. For me a negative diagnosis would mean, that 1) the subjective opinion of this professional is that im not autistic enough; 2) there is probably no support for me out there anyway.

    If in any circumstances I lose my closest family members,  then I would need an external help. Then I would suddenly fit the criteria. But taking the uncertainty and long waiting times, it could be crucial for me to have the diagnosis as soon as possible,  but it could be impossible. 

    So all this is confusing for me, there are too many voices, opinions,  one assessor would give this dx, another one- not. The only thing I'm currently sure is that I have quite strong autistic traits, that are present since ever. I'm for sure BAP somewhere close to the ASD. Or ASD. I also found out, that many people considered "BAP" also struggle with anxiety and depression as a result of their autistic traits. 

Children
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