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Scared of going for a diagnosis

Alice

Hi All,

I'm new to community and looking for general support and advise...

I have been slowly coming to realisation that I'm likely Autistic and it has taken a lot of time piecing things together to come to this point.

The issue I'm now having is going for a diagnosis scares me silly. I worry about not being authentic and it all being in my head. Being a woman and learning to mask to survive to a level that I'm not even aware of scares me that I might not get the diagnosis. Having no-one from my childhood years that can provide information, very little of my own memory as a child and evidence as a child also means I worry I can't get diagnosis.  

These doubts stop my going ahead as it become too overwhelming for me, but I also need help to then start the unmasking process and get help getting to know people. I feel quite lonely at the moment and don't really have friends or family I can open up to.

Bit of a ramble above, but looking to see have others had this same experience of emotions and feeling of the process? Some confirmation from others of similar experiences to my own could really help alleviate the anxiety.

Also, any advise on your experience as a woman going through process would be gladly received.

Thank, Alice

Parents

  • Hi Alice,

    I hope whatever I share doesnt offend anyone (I overthink a lot about everything).

    I struggled through my entire life. I was academically strong, so school just pushed and pushed until I fell apart. I came out with fairly good grades but not without a cost. 

    I went years not understanding how my brain worked. Doctors told me I had anxiety and depression, prescribed me talking therapy and sertraline, and told me to get on with yet. Yes, I was depressed. Yes I was anxious. But not in the traditional sense. I was depressed as I didnt understand the world around me and anxious that everyone hated me.

    I went to a girls with autism conference in 2019 on behalf of the school SENCO, and it clicked that I was autistic. I was lucky enough to get my assessment through a charity.

    However, the assessment made me feel exposed. A lot of what I had to say my parents knew nothing about. It was a confusing and emotional experience. But I came out with a diagnosis. It was the most empowering thing I had. It helped me make sense of who I was.

    I had mixed reviews from my family members, with my Mum saying that I was lying and there was nothing wrong with me.

    Assessments are nerve wrecking and make you feel awful. But having the power of a diagnosis really helped me understand who I was and stop apologising for being me.

    I hope you find the same peace of mind as I did.

    Bryony

  • in reply to Bryony

    Thanks for reply and sounds like you had quite a different experience to me in life. I don't know if I will ever talk to my parents about being Autistic, but that is a bridge I will cross if I want to. I'm learning that I don't need to explain what is happening with me, to them, to be myself. I'm still me with or without the diagnosis. I'm evolving to take care of myself is the main thing and if changes my relationship with my parents that is just an outcome. I've always been a bit of oversharer so again that is me learning that it doesn't have to be like that.

Reply
  • in reply to Bryony

    Thanks for reply and sounds like you had quite a different experience to me in life. I don't know if I will ever talk to my parents about being Autistic, but that is a bridge I will cross if I want to. I'm learning that I don't need to explain what is happening with me, to them, to be myself. I'm still me with or without the diagnosis. I'm evolving to take care of myself is the main thing and if changes my relationship with my parents that is just an outcome. I've always been a bit of oversharer so again that is me learning that it doesn't have to be like that.

Children
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