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Skill Regression (Vent)

Glizbeth

I honestly thought skill regression wouldn't be that bad but omg. I can't do like 70% of the things I used to be able to do and now it's hitting me like a truck. Mind you I only got formally diagnosed in May this year.

Like I managed to get my HNC in Mechanical Engineering but I'm struggling to do my stuff done for my HND. And I'm considering to drop out of the course, not because it's hard. I'm just disengaged by the level of the course. (Not meeting my academic curiosity essentially.) This has been a thing for me since secondary school but it's only gotten worst.
I'll probably mention this to my guidance lecturer the next time I see them. Struggling over something I know I can do but just can't for some arbitrary reason it. (I know there might be a term for this but I don't know it.)

I also have an HND in Software Development but I didn't see myself doing this at all. It was more like an interest I indulged in because I was curious at the time. I'm feeling sooo stupid because it takes me like three times as long to complete things in comparison to my peers and it's still hard for me to come to terms with this as an autistic woman.
The only thing I've learned from my time studying in the UK is how much I can pick up on my own.
I've been crashing out over a project thing one of my lecturers gave me because of the vagueness of it and the lack of basic parameters I need to start something.
(Look I can deal with vagueness at times but figuring EVERY SINGLE ASPECT is a hard ask of me. I legit had a month to do this but have been stalling and stalling because I had no idea where to start. I got an extension for it but even then I'm still struggling.)

Been also struggling with the thought of even seeking out employment (farming that unemployment stat since December 2024) because every experience has been too stressful for me in different ways. And what pisses me off the most is that I probably have good skills but either can't sell myself well (ew marketing) or understand where the hell to look for jobs that I can do. On that note the thought of doubling down and making something out of my art for money on the side has been plaguing me mind. (I have issues with committing to this idea.)
Not to mention the struggle I have to just give in and be myself online. I don't know why I feel this invisible pressure to not be too vocal about my personality and my values. (*cough* Cancel culture *cough* Hell, you could even pin it on the UK's current politics.)

Every time I try to fix something in my life something else jumps out at me. Can't I get some peace man??? (Paradoxically this has been the calmest I've been since forever.) Love that my priority is now addressing my ongoing health problem instead of college. Ugh, at this point I'd just be content with money to live and I might even just stay in the UK or even move back home to Spain if I get enough money to live and sustain myself.

I'm tired of this...

Parents

  • I have thought about this or if its as much to do with memory and practice, creating the right environment and how we feel in that. I can be a lot more easily disrupted than other people. This takes me away from what I need to be doing, every day life also takes me away from what I need to be doing but I know I cannot do without it. So its become like how much of the collective reality of others can I tolerate when I go out in the world.

    When people discriminate or are compliccit in forcing me into a position where they think they are in control, I put my foot down and draw a clear line in the way of their ignorance. Autist individuals are highly independent, so do not depend on people in the same ways. NTs who I have nearly half a century of experience of are nowhere as aware or accomodating of the depths of difference in human beings. Playing a long game of overunning or ablising the workplace and discriminating in ever more subtle ways is not going to work. So much of my career this is what I have observed and spoken up against. I just wish others would do the same so as it is not normalised any more.

    If you feel empowered or good about yourself in the world or the workplace you'll realise you still have your same skills, its just that other people are knocking us down, constantly.

  • in reply to pietro_21
    pietro_21 said:
    Playing a long game of overunning or ablising the workplace and discriminating in ever more subtle ways is not going to work.

    I fear this is still the most common practice in many parts of the workforce and seems to be inherent in NT thinking. I witnessed a great deal of it in the Civil Service and in most parts of the private sector too.

    pietro_21 said:
    So much of my career this is what I have observed and spoken up agains

    Tried that, got sidelined or kicked off the projects and watched the incompetents carry on with failing projects without consequences to their actions because that was pretty much what the upper management expected.

    I think only the more cut throat parts of the private sector will treat incompetence the way we think it should.

    In the end I realised that this is nothing new - it has been about for almost as long as mankind and is likely to always be here, so I don't waste my energy on worrying about it anymore.

  • in reply to Iain

    It’s just shocking to know if you are the person who has always been on that side of it, manipulated by so many people maybe who you trust complicitly working together like this. It is a kind of abuse. You’re right, all of a sudden when you’re not working in a large team all of your energy returns. I wonder why that is.

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  • in reply to Iain

    It’s just shocking to know if you are the person who has always been on that side of it, manipulated by so many people maybe who you trust complicitly working together like this. It is a kind of abuse. You’re right, all of a sudden when you’re not working in a large team all of your energy returns. I wonder why that is.

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