Sorry to preface this with a lot of backstory and minutia, but I feel it’s necessary. Also my first post on here too so here goes nothing:
I’m a 20 something year old at a great university, I’ve always done well for myself academically and don’t really have any concerns about graduating/getting a job, I back myself to do these even if they’re a struggle. The main area of my life I feel I have always been let down in is the social side. I’m not outwardly shy per se, I’ve gone undiagnosed for ASD till two years ago, and people mainly just pass me off as nice but a little anxious. Growing up, I always found it incredibly hard in school to mingle with other girls and feel like they enjoyed my company as much as I did theirs. This has continued even on to university. I thought I had a great close friend, we have tons in common, both neurodivergent, and spent a lot of first year together. Now fast forward to second year (present) of uni, and I’ve been feeling shoved aside for a different girl and like the third member of a reluctant trio. It’s hard not to compare myself to this new “addition” and put myself down too. She’s fitter, friendlier, smoother in group settings (damn neurotypicals). I can’t help but feel like I’m deficient. Who would choose me when there’s someone else obviously better? I’ve been in this situation time and time again where the people I choose never want to choose me; the age old question, why do we want the ones who don’t want us back? Not looking to get too psychological (though perhaps that’s necessary), but really, what can I do? It makes it incredibly hard to hang out as a three when I feel like I’m outside of my body watching the other two have the better time together and wishing I wasn’t around so they weren’t obliged to invite me. There’s always a duo in a trio as they say. Literally how do I cope. I’m so tired of feeling pathetic this way. Help/advice…
