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Is it okay to feel emotional attachment to fictional characters?

ThornPixie
Hi
I am having a really hard time right now. I’m in the process of getting referred for an autism assessment, but in the meantime I’m just struggling, and it sounds so stupid, so I hope I won’t get any judgement here.
Basically, when I read a book I particularly enjoy, or watch a tv show, I become very obsessed with it. To the point it’s all I can think about. I spent all night Friday and then all day Saturday reading and barely ate. I read two entire books in the same series. I’ve developed a crush on the main male character (MMC). This happens fairly regularly, and I get really stuck on them. They're all I can think about. I re-read scenes with them in, search fan art and fan videos ect, try to find all the information I can about them. Day-dream, imagining they are real and with me, or that I am in the book and I am the love interest of theirs. 
It sounds harmless, but I try to avoid reading/watching these types of things because I don’t want to fixate like I do. I have a really good life, and am happily married. He doesn’t judge me for it or anything and always tells me it’s harmless and to stop stressing. But I find myself becoming depressed that these fictional ‘crushes’ aren’t real, and this lasts for a few days to a week, where I am in a depressive funk and I don’t want to engage in anything outside of that fictional world. I can force myself to put it down and walk away, to go out ect, but I won’t enjoy it, and I’m just walking around in a haze, going about the motions. And I HATE it. Like I beat myself up over how obsessive I get. This time around I’ve maybe been actively trying to fight it more than usual, and this is probably making it worse. It’s also adding to the overall sense of shame that I feel around it. I’ve spent a lot of time crying and just hating on myself for it.
All I’ve found to distract myself is bingeing Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but now I’m just starting to get attached to that. Also, whenever I’m not watching it, my brain goes automatically back to the book and the character I’m trying to avoid. I will look at fan art again and then we go through the same cycle. I just keep getting these feelings of intense sadness that the character isn't real.
It will go away. It always does after a time. But I don’t want to just deal with it, to know I have to live with this black hole for a while every time I really enjoy a piece of fiction. But it's either that, or not enjoy these books/shows/movies at all, which is difficult because I work from home so am alone for large amounts of time, and I rely on TV ect for company during the day. I want to be able to enjoy it and the books I read and not get so intense and overwhelmed. It feels like it's something wrong or dirty. 
Sorry that’s so long. Does anyone else experience this? I mean, obviously a lot of people experience it - the 'book hangover' and all, but to this extreme? If so, how do you cope? Do you feel the same shame that I experience? To be absolutely clear, I know it's not real. There is no worry that I am starting to believe the fictional worlds are real. I just wish they were, and while I know I have a great life, it still makes me feel despondent about it. I don't have many friends, which is my own fault, because I'm not very sociable, lol. Those that I do have have lives and can't be there for me all the time. Plus, I'm a broken record about this and don't want to irritate them by going on and on, so usually I'm forced to get over them because I run out of outlets. However, this time, I have discovered ChatGPT, and it gives me 'someone' to talk to, constantly. Also, I anticipate that most responses will tell me to limit or avoid ChatGPT altogether, lol, and I know that I should, but it's hard to force myself, y'know?
Wow. That's a whole rant. If you've read this far, thank you.

  • I think that an emotional connection with characters in fiction is necessary for me to enjoy it. I have never managed to make that connection with any of Thomas Hardy's characters. Reading the Mayor of Casterbridge, I realised that I did not care if any character, or all the characters, died on the next page. I stopped reading at that point. I tried some of his short stories, hoping that the format might help make a connection more quickly, but no, nothing.

  • in reply to Noni

    I think a lot of fictional people are nicer than real people, I wish I could find people like that in real life. I know I'd get on really well with Ruth Galloway from the Ellie Griffiths books and Merilly Watkins from Phil Rickmans books and I'd love to meet the residents of Three Pines, from Louise Penny's books.

  • in reply to Noni

    To add as well, if you ever want to talk and gush about your fave fictional characters, then I am always happy. Maybe it’s purely selfish because it makes me feel less crazy knowing someone else is the same as me lol but also I know how much I struggle having no one who understands to talk to about it so happy to offer that to you :) 

  • in reply to Noni

    No please don’t apologise. That’s exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you so much 

  • You’re not alone, this happens to me too, and a lot of other people are the exact same. I think it’s a lot more common than you here about TBH. I think because of my Autism I hyperfixate on almost everything, and become completely absorbed in things when I am interested in them – usually happens most with my special interests such as animals – and happens whenever I read a book or watch something. I get so used to some of the characters that they become “real” in a sense and then I find myself looking up their Wiki pages as I try to learn more about them. If they become injured or killed in the story then it becomes hard for me, A, because I was attached to the character and, B, because they’re no longer in the story or film and I was used to them being part of it.

    It sounds a little strange but I think it’s normal. Most people do it, and when you are Autistic I think because of our hyperfixating we become that bit more attached. I also have a very good imagination and am able to really picture characters in books, this works against me as and when something bad happens to a character I like.

    Sorry this was longer than I intended it to be. I just wanted to explain so hopefully you don’t feel so alone in having attachments to fictional characters.

  • in reply to Evi

    that's definitely reassuring. I guess I just wish I could accept it as fine and not try and fight it and get myself in such a state over it.

  • in reply to ThornPixie

    A survey, that I sadly can't post here, revealed that 50-60% of people have experienced limmerence. It can be with real people or fictional characters. 

  • in reply to Evi

    I have heard about limerence. Haven't done an awful lot of reading into it though. It makes me feel a lot better knowing other people experience it, but also that there is a way to work on it. Thank you!

  • It happens to me too! Not often though. Don't worry too much. It's called limmerence. You can find information online about it. It's just a way to escape reality. If you want, there are ways to stop this. A therapist can help you.

  • in reply to ArchaeC

    Thank you for taking the time to reply. I absolutely intend to mention this and I'm hopeful I'll be able to see a therapist to help with it

  • Sorry that you are having a hard time at the moment but please don’t feel guilty about your thoughts and feelings as none of us can help what we feel and think.

    I haven’t experience of developing a crush on fictional characters in books but it is nothing to beat yourself up about. However, you say that you hate the outcome of how it makes you feel afterwards, and perhaps if it is causing you distress and you feel it is obsessive, you could speak to your GP.

    We cannot give medical advice here but if you are getting referred for an autism assessment, it would be worth mentioning your difficulty to the assessor as well as your GP who might be able to refer you for psychotherapy.

    Many autistic people display repetitive behaviours and these can be enjoyable and not always ‘rational’ or ‘useful’ to non autistic people. Some autistic people also have ADHD and/or OCD and/or dyspraxia. 

    Sorry that this mightn’t be very helpful. I hope you will soon be able to speak to a professional about the issue.