I'm an almost 17 year old girl (I reside in the US) with no friends I hang out with outside of school, the only person I'm kind of friends with only became friends with me because she saw me having a complete mental breakdown in the counseling office, we both work so we don't text very often and only come across eachother at school once in the blue moon. Everyone else my age and even those younger than me have had relationships, I have never once had a relationship and I've never been kissed despite wanting to so desperately and genuinely craving it since a very very young age.
I have an extremely high sex drive so it's not like I only want it because it's the norm, its because I actually want it, guys at my school bully me and say their friends like me to embarrass their friend while making fun of the idea that anyone would actually want to date me. I don't hang out with anyone since I cannot form close relationships so I often times just go on my phone and text my mom or dad, my mom hates talking to me and my dad never replies bc he's working which is fair, I'm not even close to any of my siblings and my sister literally blocked my number for no fucking reason, she hangs out with her boyfriend and never makes the effort to hang out with me, and her boyfriend is extremely mean towards me and calls me a weird ugly loser.
My sister and brother hang out constantly leaving me behind, never asking if I would be interested in coming with, my mom defends them and asks why they would even ask me anyway, which is extremely hurtful. Not to mention my mom screams at me during my meltdowns and is borderline verbally abusive towards me during my most vulnerable times, my dad isn't much better and sometimes mocks me when I cry (not very often) yes I am in therapy, I'm on several medications including Effexor, Seroquel, and Lithium. When I'm on an adhd med it works for a little bit but then makes me mad, I don't really think my medications work much but of course my input doesn't count. (I've expressed this to my mom and she doesn't care)
I'm planning on going to college out of state but I'm concerned with the tution amount since everything I've seen is atleast 13k after financial aid, I've been trying to get the best grades that I can and I've looked at scholarships but there's none in my state that's not metric based, and other states you have to had went to high school there, ice tried talking to my careers counselor but she hasn't even called me out of class and it's been 3 months since I've requested to speak with her.
I am currently working and am supposed to be taking the test to get my license but my original test examiner canceled because he was sick, then my dad rescheduled with a different test examiner then had to cancel bc my dad had to work late on the day I was supposed to go, my mom uses getting my license as a clutch against me and my dad always forgets. It fucking sucks, my feelings and frustrations are constantly invalidated and made fun of by literally fucking everyone besides my therapist. It makes me feel worse when I hear autistic women talk about their relationships when I feel disconnected from everyone, and the guy that I liked who is 30 yrs older than me won't even give me the time of day, inb4f "Well it'd be worse if he was interested!" I DON'T care, i want him to be interested, it'd rather have that than nothing at all. So please don't be commenting that, it's unhelpful.
For a bit of background, I was diagnosed at 6 years old with moderate autism/PDDNOS, mixed receptive language disorder, phonological disorder, combined ADHD and recieved a full scale IQ score of 74 (only as a small child, I definitely have never had any mental handicaps as I never missed any of my baby milestones and I'm not in a special ed class with a modified curriculum) I was in speech and occupational therapy for a few months to a year, I was discharged from speech in less than a year of my diagnoses because I had made a lot of progress, I was also discharged from occupational therapy because according to the lady I had made too much progress and my sensory issues went away. Since 5th grade I have been completely "integrated" but my stupid vice principal mentioned how I'm like any other gen ed kid (don't know why special ed keeps getting referenced but whatever)
My peers have always made fun of me, sometimes they'll act fake friendly to me but don't want to be friends, I just get paraded out of pity. Everytime I've spoken to people it's led to nowhere, it saddens me how behind I am and how I may never get a boyfriend or husband.
