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Is it safe to seek diagnosis as a mother

wherearemyfingers

I want to get a formal diagnosis, but I am worried about the consequences, in terms of being misinterpreted when I advocate for their care and having my children taken away.(my eldest has the same behaviours as me, while the others have medical needs that involve trips to the hospitals and speaking to specialists).

I am in my early 40s and have going through perimenopause since my mid 30s. I've known I am autistic for years. When I was in my 20s at uni, a therapist suggested I seek diagnosis, but my mother told me not to label myself. My parents are still quite hostile to the idea of any of their family having a diagnosis: my sister is seeking an ADHD diagnosis for herself and an autism diagnosis for her daughter, and my mother has made dismissive comments about both. I want a diagnosis for my own benefit: I'm not weird or broken, this is a normal way for my mind to function. And I want to access self help resources, to help me get back into work and be productive, but I feel guilty and an imposter without a formal diagnosis.

My other concern is that a formal diagnosis would give reason for people to judge my parenting unfairly and take my children away. We're not an at risk family or have ever been on social services radar, but I have this irrational fear regardless. My girls are happy, they know mummy thinks different. We have a happy home. But I can't help worrying.

That and I find the NHS form for diagnosis very hard to fill in: if it was "write a 100 page essay on your specialist subject" I'd ace it. I can't rely on my parents for interviews, as they'd deny I had any problems and was just a 'good girl' and smart (actually isolated, bullied, minimal/non existent friendships, bashing head on wall, "good girl" who always did what they expected of me, repetitive behaviours and hyper interests).

Sorry for the stream of consciousness, I'm not very good at editing down what I say, I feel like I have to include everything.

(my user name is because, when I get overwhelmed, I flex/twitch/play with/tap/hurt/flap my fingers so I know where they are, and that makes me feel better)

Parents

  • I am a mother, it's never been a problem. I think, unless you showed signs in front of a professional such as a teacher or nurse that you couldn't look after your child, no one will bother you. Of course, this applies to everyone, not just autistic people. I have an incredible bond with my daughter who I suspect is autistic too. She has a routine that really helps her structure and plan her day, I understand if she doesn't want to do something and talk to her about times in life when I've felt the same. 

    Also, as Iain has already pointed out, a private diagnosis doesn't necessarily go on your records if you don't want it to, although I appreciate this isn't always an option for everyone. 

    Check the ACAS website, but I'm pretty sure I've read you don't need to show evidence of a diagnosis to ask for accommodations in the workplace, although I guess some might ask and it would be awkward to say no. 

    There are a few celebrity mothers who are on the spectrum and no one questions them.

Reply

  • I am a mother, it's never been a problem. I think, unless you showed signs in front of a professional such as a teacher or nurse that you couldn't look after your child, no one will bother you. Of course, this applies to everyone, not just autistic people. I have an incredible bond with my daughter who I suspect is autistic too. She has a routine that really helps her structure and plan her day, I understand if she doesn't want to do something and talk to her about times in life when I've felt the same. 

    Also, as Iain has already pointed out, a private diagnosis doesn't necessarily go on your records if you don't want it to, although I appreciate this isn't always an option for everyone. 

    Check the ACAS website, but I'm pretty sure I've read you don't need to show evidence of a diagnosis to ask for accommodations in the workplace, although I guess some might ask and it would be awkward to say no. 

    There are a few celebrity mothers who are on the spectrum and no one questions them.

Children
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