Teen daughter autistic poor personal hygiene

The main problem is sensory, autistic people tend to react badly to things that disrupt our sensory equilibrium. Laundered clothes tend toward being less soft than previously worn clothes and to smell strongly of the strong perfumes that manufacturers put in detergents. What is sold to the public as 'fresh smelling' may be quite horrible to an autistic person. The same goes for toothpastes, the amazing 'zingy minty-fresh' taste of toothpaste can be overwhelming to an autistic person (it was to me as a child).

The answer might be found by going down the route of maximising softness while minimising perfume smells in your clothes washing products, and finding a less strongly tasting toothpaste (they exist).

I have been told I hated taking showers when  younger but have only one bad flashback memory of this. 

She most likely feel safe in her own "***", no offense. 

I have siblings with autism and it is interesting with smells - what I consider smells OK or good one of my sibling can go into a fit of how much it smells, that it gets too bad. Gets dizzy, headache, can't stand it. 

I would tell my sibling You smell so bad right now. I do? could be the response back at me. Then the sibling would go and take a shower or brush the teeth. 

I would make a schedule if this was my kid and I would have it done specific at times when there is not so much buzz, stress around. Like Sunday evening after a more calm day. 

We've always made a thing out of it (I'm a mom too) that I am in the bathroom with my child but I am doing my thing in the meanwhile like fixing my nails or taking care of my skin or what ever it may be, and we're talking in the meanwhile that the child takes it's bath. We talk about all sorts of things. It's nice, you know? 

We have always gone shopping together and so it is the products the child choses, what the child thinks smells nice, that we will buy. Things goes down to everything, toothbrush-level. The child choses it. 

Clothes - the same way goes there. 

That is as much as you possible can - make it her choice to decide. 

I would also tell her it is not OK to lie like that, how would she feels if you did that? 

It is possible  you have to lower your own demands so instead of expecting her to shower every day if she showers every two day or third day that's OK too. You can get her alternatives in between that she can use washcloths in between. 

I use myself as an example as well. I have explained how it was for me when I was her age, that one day I smelled my armpit and understood things to be different now, now the body smells like it did not do before. 

I don't think she knows when enough is enough with the period, try to show example of it, this is when you need to change because there is bacteria in the blood and it should not be there too long or you will get sick. Same with the teeth. 

Make up plans. You know she wants to do something fun, but before that you say you have to take a bath or shower, or we can't go outside and do this thing we both want to do. 

I too was brought up that way - do boring stuff - then reward. Have been times when I as an adult and we go straight to doing something I enjoy when I think but I have not done the boring stuff yet, it's still there waiting for me - like it feels wrong, you know? 

Express what fun stuff you will be doing in good time so then there are preparation for her to make herself ready and before you are to do this. 

Just some ideas. 

Take it for what it is. 

Best of luck. 

This is a problem, as she could get decayed teeth if she doesn't brush them and if she won't change underwear she might get thrush, particularly when having her period. Maybe you could point out these health dangers to her?

I'm an old woman so not up to date with modern child care, but if it was me caring for your daughter I would consider putting out the clean underwear on her bed myself ready for after her shower, and standing near her while she cleans her teeth. I would inform her beforehand of what was going to happen, and explain that it's for her health. If she refused to do these things, there would be consequences such as not being able to do something she likes that day. If she did everything without complaint, I would give a reward, maybe a once weekly treat.

This is based on my behaviour training when I was a teaching assistant, which was based on positive encouragement, rewards and consequences - although it was over 30 years ago and I worked with slightly younger children, it might still help in this case. Of course it's up to you - if you don't think this is appropriate for your daughter, feel free to ignore my suggestions, as you know her and I dont.

I wish you luck with it though.

Hi Teapea , I am sorry your daughter is finding it challenging to do her personal hygiene. You may find it helpful to have a look at the information below, which includes advice and tips:

Hygiene

https://www.autismspeaks.org/expert-opinion/teen-autism-needs-help-hygiene-appropriate-behavior#:~:text=Sometimes%20resistance%20to%20washing%20is,make%20skin%20care%20more%20comfortable.

Menstruation

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/physical-health/menstruation

https://www.leicspart.nhs.uk/autism-space/health/menstruation-periods-for-autistic-people/ 

Guides

https://www.leicspart.nhs.uk/autism-space/health/staying-clean-and-healthy/

https://kidshealth.org/en/teens/autism-hygiene-girls.html 

I hope these are useful.

Best wishes,

Anna Mod