Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi my daughter is 17 diagnosed age 4, but has never wanted us to tell anyone about her autism and won’t acknowledge that she is autistic. Wee trying to help her understand why certain situations (friendships, exam failures etc) could be as a result of being autistic to help her cope, but she just shuts down.
she’s possibly going to college after school and we worry about her being in a new environment from the one she’s been used to for the last 5yrs and how she’ll cope with this, should we seek expert help or does anyone have any experience in how best to try and get her to talk about it? Thank you
while i was only diagnosed a few weeks ago (at 17!) my diagnosis came from years of assessment (beginning at 15)
it's a tricky one on how to communicate this with people around you, and i understand the feeling of not wanting to tell anyone (in my case i worry that people will judge me).
personally, it could be worthwhile talking to your daughter while not specifically 'stating' her diagnosis; instead talking to people about what she needs. for me, this meant communicating with people that it was perhaps 'too bright' or 'too loud' if we were out and luckily my friends could understand this, and help me out. this allowed me to communicate my needs without outrightly stating that i am autistic.
it could be an idea to try and discuss what your daughter finds difficult, without talking about the fact that she has ASD. personally, i understand the feeling of not wanting people to know, so they don't 'define' me in such way, as the negative connotations are still large in my head and among some peers.
i'm sure you have already had some of these thoughts, but as a young person i thought i'd let you know what has helped me. :)
in terms of the college, it really depends. if theres a sixth form attached to her school, that could be worthwhile having a look at. for me, starting post-16 education was really nerve-racking and staying in an environment that i knew was really helpful. however for some, a transition is needed. if you aren't already, maybe start discussing this movement early but briefly, just to allow you both to understand this transition and help your daughter get the support she needs.
Dear NAS 95742,
Please visit our online advice and guidance which explains more about transitions, including transitions to college: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/transitions
You may find it helpful to share our resources for autistic teenagers with your daughter: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/resources-for-autistic-teenagers
Kind Regards,Rosie Mod