Published on 12, July, 2020
I’m relatively newly diagnosed (in my early 40s) and recently been reflecting on the extent to which I mask. Some posts in other threads have questioned people’s masking at diagnostic assessment as if the person can choose when to mask and when not to. For me it’s not that simple - there’s masking I’m conscious of and ‘could’ stop if I tried/had to, but there’s other masking I definitely do that has been ingrained since childhood. I can’t just choose not to do this latter type and I’m working hard to identify all aspects of it at the moment as I haven’t been conscious of it but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t caused me problems - main thing being residual stress. Just wanted to share these thoughts. Has anyone else thought about this?
I understand this completely, I have recently been diagnosed at 34 and am trying to understand what things I do that are masking. There are some obvious ones like forcing myself to make eye contact but I'm struggling to see what is me and what is my mask.
Thank you. I didn't know that. I've always based my non- masking on the fact that I'm not good at reading body language, and adjusting how I am based on that during a F2F conversation with someone.
Masking is mostly something that is done either by purposely imposed coping mechanisms or innate subconscious learning in order to blend in with the crowd.
There will always be outliers but the point I was trying to make is that we may not even realise that masking was taking place as it was so ingrained and became muscle memory.
Can I ask what made you seek diagnosis? For me it was because of a friend of a friend with ADHD suggested that I was displaying potential traits. I was completely unaware for over 50 years.
It's very easy to overlook / not recognise ways in which we've been "masking", as the definition covers a whole lot of things. For example, as I've just commented below, you actually mentioned an example of your own camouflaging / masking in one of your earlier replies.
Some more examples here: Masking
firemonkey said:Yet I struggle to see masking as something I consciously do. What I am, without a shadow of a doubt, is a people pleaser. I'll agree to b to please c and d, but my personal preference is a.
People pleasing is a form of masking :)
Mr T said:Late diagnosed means a lot of masking has been done over a lifetime.
Then how do you account for a person like me? Late dxed at 62. Unlike the rest of you I've not purposely adopted the tactics of camouflaging my natural self.
I completely resonate with your experience, it's only through focused reflection that I'm starting to piece together what is masking (conscious and unconscious) and what is authentic.
I've recently read Ellie Middleton's book (Unmasked) which talks about this topic and I found it really useful. She talks in part about the level of masking she has with different people. Strongly recommend!
I did not even realise until late 2022 that I might be autistic. I was diagnosed in spring 2023.
I have masked all my life but cannot tell what I did. All I know is that I did everything to not appear as different to the majority but knew deep down I was different.
Late diagnosed means a lot of masking has been done over a lifetime.
Yes they are about support needs, but that doesn't detract from the fact that very many late dxed ASD level 1 autistic persons are very vocal about masking.
Aside: I thought that the 'levels' were about support needs, not functioning-ness. A lot of overlap to be sure, but not the same, I think.
Can you be an ASD level 1 person if you don't mask? It seems to be a prerequisite of being a late diagnosed autistic person that you've spent all your life in masking mode. Yet I struggle to see masking as something I consciously do. What I am, without a shadow of a doubt, is a people pleaser. I'll agree to b to please c and d, but my personal preference is a.
GOOD answer! Bravo.
Suffering from life getting lifey.
I'm the same. Being in my low 50s, I can't just switch it off. I don't even know where the off switch is! I didn't even know what I was doing was something that other people didn't.
In the camouflage questionnaire, I scored high for Assimilation, but low for the other two categories. As I reflected on this, I realised that I did do things in the other categories but on autopilot. I realised this before my report was finalised, and they put this self observation in there.
I even contacted the (very nice) creator of the questionnaire about it, and they were so gracious and gave a good rational why they had to limit the number of questions and that she was totally aware that some masking can become automated.
It's a fascinating subject.
Just seen that this is in "women and girls". I know that traditionally this is something more associated with females, but I am considered high masking.
Kicking the ball down the road there Desmond.........now define "crazy" !
My core self is crazy.
Yes - I have thought about this - lots.
The matter that needs to be resolved (in my opinion) is, "what is my core self." It is inevitably impossible to speak of masking in any meaningful sense, really, unless you know what it is that you are supposedly masking.
I have no clue as to how one tries to determine one's "core self " btw - and therein, lies the rub!