Speech struggles

I generally just say ok thanks how about you? and that means they are doing the talking then. I try to say as little as possible, it works better for me.

How are you feeling? It's such a big question because you can be feeling so many things and putting it in to words is not an easy task for autistic people. I spend forever trying to process the question and rack my brains trying to work out what to say - the whole time I'm stood open mouthed looking idiotic haha - it's a complete nightmare and aside from my horrific voice trying to speak it's responsible for my social anxiety and why I avoid people and socialising.

I am not sure if you are referring only to describing emotions. I can describe how I feel simply but struggle to explain the effect things can have on me. I can plan in my head exactly what I want to say and feel confident about it, then when it comes to saying it to my boss it comes out muddled and seems like I am being awkward.

I have tried putting it in writing as that gives me time to check what I am saying, but unfortunately the last time I did that he didn't understand and asked me to talk about it.

Oh ok, it seems like you could be experiencing Situational Mutism then.

If I am in a group setting or around people I don’t know for example and feel uncomfortable I can’t speak so I just nod or shake my head when asked a question. Also sometimes I can be around someone I know very well and will have planned what I am going to say beforehand but when it comes to saying it I just can’t get the words out so end up stuttering a lot

I am an autistic person and I don't know if this will help as I've often had the same question as yourself, but I will briefly explain my experiences in relation to your post.

I have many times in my past suffered with what I used to call "silences" (this was a word I made up for it as I didn't understand why I did it or that it was a thing other people also did). I believe it is selective mutism, but I could be wrong. When I had my silences something would generally trigger me, a strong emotional response that would instantly stop me from talking to people, sometimes I'd even blank them altogether, but most of the time I'd talk by using nods and head shakes, pointing at things etc. I hate when it happens to me because sometimes I can't get out of it, my mind is screaming talk, say something, smile and I just simply can't. This can last hours or even days or me. 

The other experience which I get a lot I called my "stutter". Again I don't know if there is a word for this as what happens to me is sometimes when I'm talking I forget speech mid sentence. Like if I am talking about a kit kat chocolate bar for example in a conversation I might try to say it out loud, I see the image of the kit kat in my mind, I even see the word spelled out for me and can hear my inner voice saying it, but the speech doesn't leave my mouth. I then sometimes make a gasping sound when this happens and I just stop. After about a minute I can talk again. I'll be honest this one upsets me greatly as I don't understand it.

eh when asked what im feeling i genuinely dont know anyway.
so i just say... normal.. or fine. any placeholder word.

i just dont know as i guess maybe i dont put too much thought into how im feeling and im just going ahead taking things as they are. or maybe im confused, as you can feel many things about many things... how are you feeling can easily be answered by questioning back "about what?" as i can be feeling different things about different subjects or events, not a single feeling to cover everything in a time frame.

Hi!

Can I just clarify do you lose speech when involved in conflict or experiencing intense emotions? If yes, you could be experiencing Processing Mutism - a loss of speech due to excessive processing demands. Many members of our autistic community experience mutism when overloaded or when facing excessive expectations, this is explained further in the article below: 

https://autistic-village.com/2024/02/07/my-autistic-experience-of-processing-mutism/

Also do you know how you feel when you can't speak, for example do you feel anxious? If so, you could be experiencing Situational Mutism (a phobia of speaking in specific situation or to certain people). Sometimes people with SM can become mute in situations where there is an expectation to speak, for example if your manager is not approachable they may make it impossible for you to speak. Situational Mutism is explained in more detail in the article below:

https://autismunderstood.co.uk/co-occurring-conditions/selective-mutism/

SM is often also talked about in our autistic community, however it is regularly confused with Processing Mutism so it is not clear how prevalent this is among our neurokin.

I hope this helps!