So I decided to write this in the forum for women as I am a woman, but for some reason I do not relate to the "female autism" at all. Because apparently it means I am "better at masking" but for me it is not true at all. I am 21 years old and I have never ever in my life had a friend. Whether it be in elementary, or high school, or now in college. In elementary I simply got avoided or ridiculed by the other kids, they found me annoying, they constantly accused me of not being nice even if I did not know the reason. In high school, I had a group of friends but they kicked me out and after them, my whole class followed. Now in college I make all the effort to talk to people, initiate things, go to parties and clubs. But still have absolutely zero friends despite starting college 6 months ago. They simply either ignore me, or run away, or we have fun together one day but the next day they treat me as a complete stranger again. There was one girl who I met at a party that kept telling me how nice and fun I was and stuff, we literally spent the whole evening together. But afterwards, she ghosted me while I suggested to hang out, already 2 times (2 month distance). With others it just feels like I do everything to get close but nobody cares. Absolutely nobody.
I really don't know what to do further. I know most autistic people also have social difficulties but all of the autistic people I talked to have at least 1 best friend, or had friends as a kid at least. It feels like I am missing out on so many fun aspects of life because of having no friends. I never had a sleepover, I will never travel with a friend group, I will never do other crazy stuff young people should. It is as if I specifically had some kind of built in curse that causes me to be excluded forever.
Please do not tell me to find hobbies or join clubs because I already tried all of these things and I only got acquaintances. I really don't know how I can go further and therapies also usually end with "you have to figure out yourself why you have no friends and what you are doing wrong". I just don't know!! From my perspective, I behave like any other person out there
