Hi everyone,
So a little backstory here. I'm twenty-five, but have always known I want to be a mother. I am very nurturing, very maternal and love children. I've been told in the past by people how brilliant I am with them. And my mum always tells me how brilliant I am with my younger sibling (his cognitive age is around 4 years old but physically 23.)
My fiancé Jordan also wants to have children. But our mental healths aren't great just now. Which we absolutely want to 100% get as well as we can before we start trying for children.
But my parents and family keep telling me 'but due to you and Jordan's autism and mental health. Children isn't right just now.' And we agree not until we're better. But! We know that others judge us for wanting children. My family are so supportive, but when children is mentioned you can tell they get uncomfortable.
What makes me angry is I have an idea of how difficult parenting is, as a lot of my friends who have children explain this to me. And I understand with Jordan and I's difficulties it might be a bit harder than we think. However, we would be brilliant parents. We understand we need to get our housing situation sorted and get things sorted with our healths. But our mental health and autism will always be there, as things do go up and down in life.
Some professions agree with me and say 'at the end of tje day it's your life.' And I should agree, but then why do I feel so guilty planning for the future?
Every time I see a baby or child I get so emotional as I and Jordan want to be parents so badly.
How do I talk to my family about this without leading to an argument. I've tried explaining we're being mature about this and wanting things sorted first. But at the end of the day our healths will always go up and down, and as long as we put the effort into getting support, then why shouldn't we have children in the future.
My mum never says I can't have children but to seriously think about it and says my fiancé isn't 'able' she thinks enough because of his mental health and autism. That's not for her to decide, however Jordan and I have said that at the end of this year (we're meant to be getting married in August) if we decided we're still not ready then we will wait.
Am I being the silly one here? Or are we being sensible?
We always put other people first, and that isn't going to change. We know that if we were to say to each other 'look my health isn't able to cope.' Or visa versa, we wouldn't judge each other, but my point is that is our decision to come to, not other people's.
Thank you.
