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is it normal of a daughter with ASD to feel such hate towards one Parent

NAS90557

My daughter who is now 22 has always had a fractured relationship with me, as i was the one who got the help and then in the end the diagnoses.  She has always felt the 3 other children i have favoured which i don't they all get the same love and attention just sometimes not all at the same time.  However last light she told me i was a bully, she hated me and am not her mum.  This is extremely hurtful as i have done everything i could to help and support her through everything ( she also had a daughter at 33 weeks in march) and i support with my grand daughter and letting her boyfriend live with us.  she puts my husband on a pedestal and he can do no wrong ( although we split last year and he wasn't here for Christmas, new year and their birth of her child) i am still the bad evil parent.

I don't know if i can take this anymore, i have 2 other children with ASD 17 and 16 and even though they are all different have have there moments they don't hate me or call me evil.  Please can anyone help and advise i am desperate

Parents

  • have you asked her why she feels that way?

    the logical next step is simply to ask her why she thinks your a bully then work it out from there and undo any misconceptions she may have and try to make it better by both undoing her ideas if they are wrong and pointing out your truth and then perhaps offering her something to make up for any possible hurt feelings too after you have explained your side.

  • in reply to Caelus

    My daughter has had a long tendency of always taking the most negative possibility from any conversation and truly hold to ransom anyone she believes has wronged her.  When she recalls conversations we’ve had, I do not recognise her interpretations from what I believed I had communicated.   Attempting to undo her misinterpretation and pointing out my truth with my ,now, 24 year old has led to her feeling invalidated by me and has definitely had a very negative impact on our relationship.  I feel so sad that she mis-construes absolutely everything I say to an almost untenable degree.  We have had mother daughter therapy but it has not relieved her accusatory behaviours even though I felt I learnt a lot about validating her she still seems to be able to twist what I say in an unbelievable way.  This de-skilling to me as a mother and leaves me heartbroken.   If any one has any suggestions I welcome them.

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  • in reply to Caelus

    My daughter has had a long tendency of always taking the most negative possibility from any conversation and truly hold to ransom anyone she believes has wronged her.  When she recalls conversations we’ve had, I do not recognise her interpretations from what I believed I had communicated.   Attempting to undo her misinterpretation and pointing out my truth with my ,now, 24 year old has led to her feeling invalidated by me and has definitely had a very negative impact on our relationship.  I feel so sad that she mis-construes absolutely everything I say to an almost untenable degree.  We have had mother daughter therapy but it has not relieved her accusatory behaviours even though I felt I learnt a lot about validating her she still seems to be able to twist what I say in an unbelievable way.  This de-skilling to me as a mother and leaves me heartbroken.   If any one has any suggestions I welcome them.

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