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Knowledge/experience/support (lol) would be great!

Eva

Hello all, 

I have always suspected I was autistic and after a massive meltdown my parents decided to get me properly assessed, so now at the age of 23 I have a diagnosis. It's great of course because I feel more myself than I ever have, but I also feel like I'm faking it as I'm noticing more traits and masking less, it's all very confusing. My therapist says it can take a while and I know that so I;m just waiting it out. 

My main issue is that I have always struggled to keep friends. I am extremely high functioning to the point where I'm only seen as a little odd when it comes to social circles, so making friends is no problem. My emotional range is small and intense so I can have met someone for a week and am instantly best friends with them. Keeping them is another issue. In the past year my closest friends have all drifted away, and when I've brought it up they take the defense and blame it on me. I am an intense person but I have been working  very hard to remain calm and give them their space. In a recent development I was told I was extremely hard to be friends with and they were trying. I was confused as the person saying this and I hadn't been in contact for around 5 months at this point, so how can I be hard to be friends with if theres not enough contact between us? I've moved home and got a new job and made friends there, and it seems like it's easier with them, perhaps because I can be myself more as I wasn't masking from day one? My older friends have known me for years and so have perhaps seen a change in me that they can't deal with. 

The crux of the issue is that if the way that I am hurts people and makes them sad by being friends with me, then I am reluctant to make new friends, I don't want to hurt anyone. I am a social person but I like my own time and could be alone if I needed to be. It's just very hard to be told by your oldest friends something like that, it reduces my self worth massively.

Sorry if this was a rant there are a lot of thoughts flying about! Any shared experiences would be great.

Eva x 

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  • Eva said:
    In the past year my closest friends have all drifted away, and when I've brought it up they take the defense and blame it on me. I am an intense person but I have been working  very hard to remain calm and give them their space. In a recent development I was told I was extremely hard to be friends with and they were trying. I was confused as the person saying this and I hadn't been in contact for around 5 months at this point, so how can I be hard to be friends with if theres not enough contact between us?

    I can relate. I don't have much advice, but I have a theory. They are changing and we are not. And looking at us is like looking into a past they are trying to deny. You know I think most people are on this 'growing up' journey that involves them forgetting who they were when they were young. Their dreams, their aspirations, the things that mattered to them. It culminates when they become parents and suddenly forget everything they felt and believed and become very much like carbon copies of their own parents. It's a kind of slow identity death and our consistency reminds them it’s happening. Because, if you're like me, you'd probably be with your friends at the dinner table with their teen and be like 'hey do you remember when you wore [censored] and walked in holding [censored] and told your boyfriend to stick it [censored].'

    Because you'd remind them of when they were young, irreverent, and unrespectable. All the things they've now decided they are not allowed to be as parents. My best advice would be hang around juvenile adults who seem disinterested in settling down. Or be prepared to get new friends often. But be aware that gets a lot harder as you get older.

  • in reply to Peter

    Hello, I appreciate this idea a lot but I'm only 23, and the friends I am talking about are 21/22. If anything I am more mature in terms of age but also if I have an issue with someone I will bring it up, any issues within the group aren't talked about and it's a case of them ignoring me/leaving me out and I have no clue whats going on.

  • in reply to Eva

    I don't know some people change prity quickly once they leave uni behind.

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