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NAS89711

Hi, hope you are all well, I’m an older woman, mother to teens and recently diagnosed, I work and am single and also a carer, I really struggle with anymore than my responsibilities which are a lot and I’m very busy, everything that people seem to deem ‘fun’ I hate- bar what I need to do for others and work I hate leaving the house, I went Ona family holiday with family adults and my teen children, and I I’m still recovering, I had intense over stimulation of all senses and was so overwhelmed I had 3 panic attacks, i couldn’t cope with anything, my teen children were lovely but I felt so guilty on them, im really caring strong mother and they are my life, I do everything for them and we’re close so they shouldn’t have to deal with me not even being able to cope with over stimulation, and rest of my family were angry and impatient, I split up from a 20 year marriage last year and he’s happily with a non autistic adult now, I don’t want to be with him but it’s made me feel like no one will put up with me as he’s now living a life going on holiday and out and about which I struggled with, im very lucky I have amazing kids who I support but I feel so guilty I struggle with things other mothers don’t and I also feel very misunderstood and alone

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  • There is absolutely no need for you to feel guilty. It sounds as if you have spent a lifetime putting the needs of your family ahead of your own, indeed you still are. I am not a mother but I am a carer to my elderly mum and that in itself is so tough. It's admirable the way you cope with what you see as your responsibilities.

    You have undergone a lot of change in your life with the marriage split. A diagnosis in itself can be life altering, whatever your age. It will take time to adapt to all that change and for you to fully process what your diagnosis means for you. While you are undergoing all that flux it is possible that your sensory sensitivities have become heightened and your tolerance levels reduced. It's worth looking into autistic burnout.

    Going forward try to recognise what you need and want out of life and how such over stimulation can be prevented in future. Your family should be supportive and understand if you need to decline an invitation or leave something early to avoid overwhelm. I am sorry that some became angry and impatient, when your overwhelm wasn't something you could control at the time.

    Your idea of a perfect holiday might be very different to younger members of your family and that is very understandable. If you'd rather head off to a remote cottage somewhere then why not do that. Staying at home is fine too if that is what you enjoy. Just because other people see something as 'fun' doesn't mean you have to force yourself to endure what you don't enjoy.

  • in reply to Autonomistic

    Thank you for that message I really appreciate it, I’ve always struggled with extreme sensory overload throughout my life but I do have a very hectic lifestyle so relaxing for me is not perhaps the majority but my children are the same as me so it’s no problem with them it’s just wider family, I think I just need to establish boundaries with regards my needs, I have tried to educate them on autism but they definitely don’t get it and that’s fine it just knocked my confidence because I was met with misunderstanding and probably because I’m done with masking to make others feel easier, my kids accept me and I accept them so that’s all that really matters and yes I struggle with change so separating has probably just started to sink it! Thanks so much again

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  • in reply to Autonomistic

    Thank you for that message I really appreciate it, I’ve always struggled with extreme sensory overload throughout my life but I do have a very hectic lifestyle so relaxing for me is not perhaps the majority but my children are the same as me so it’s no problem with them it’s just wider family, I think I just need to establish boundaries with regards my needs, I have tried to educate them on autism but they definitely don’t get it and that’s fine it just knocked my confidence because I was met with misunderstanding and probably because I’m done with masking to make others feel easier, my kids accept me and I accept them so that’s all that really matters and yes I struggle with change so separating has probably just started to sink it! Thanks so much again

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