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Summer holidays

NAS88140

Hi Wave I’m new here. And totally in need of someone who understands. My family certainly do NOT and are great a judging and to be honest, not caring in the slightest Broken heart me and my husband feel a little trapped in our situation with our 10 year old daughter. She is very ‘teen’ like in her attitude. She used to be so loving and great at taking advice and wanting to be with us. But like a flick of a switch we seem to have lost all of that. She says she just wants to be with her friends at school, which is fine, I totally understand, but while she is home we need to find things we can do together. She is having anxiety leaving the house to go anywhere slightly out of her comfort zone. (Which is basically, home, school, sainsburys, and Dunelm…no joke) when anywhere else she thinks everyone is staring at her or she thinks she looks weird or not fashionable.  She’ll trip over lots and bangs herself because of how awkward she feels and because of her hyper awareness.  She doesn’t have a phone, but a few months back I allows her 1 hour a day on Roblox,,,and now she is totally obsessed. She would be on it 24/7 if I let her. Her clothes choice is inspired by it, the brands, designers, money, she wants all the things they advertise. I honestly think it’s like escapism for her, like she can pretend to be this ‘confident and popular girl’ without anyone really knowing her. I’m concerned about senior school coming up and her getting totally obsessed with social media and her phone ( which to be honest I DONT want to EVER give her) 

she doesn’t want comfort from us anymore, doesn’t want to be seen with us. She thinks we are ‘old and embarrassing’ however when I invite her mates over, she’s just as anxious and their conversationCryare misinterpreted by my daughter, causing upset. It’s so stressful. My little girl who loved nature and play and being with us has totally changed over night and I have no idea how to deal with it. Cry FYI….I THINK I am also on the spectrum as I have struggled my entire life, I can’t bare the thought of her also not having anyone to talk too like me Cry) 

  • in reply to NewtoASD

    I’m so sorry you are also struggling with these changes. It’s all so tough when our children can’t yet see how amazing they are!! I wouldn’t change her for the world, and I’m sure you feel the same.  I can imagine how difficult things are at age 13. I remember myself having to mask to fit in, and it’s totally exhausting. It’s frustrating because girls with ASD have so so much to offer the world. IPrayl just keep reminder my daughter how amazing I think she is regardless of her actions towards me. I must admit, there has been times I’ve let my ‘continuous and gentle  parenting slip slightly, but I practice every day to improve to be able to be there for her. I think one thing that definitely helps is if I look after myself properly too. Sometimes there isn’t enough energy, but I’ll force to give myself time so I can recharge. I hope you also find time for yourself Pray  Them seeing us calm and able to hold space for their big emotions will prove priceless in the end. Stay strong mumma. We are dealing with more intensity that some other parents so we should feel vHeartry proud of ourselves for sure. This journey isn’t always easy. Heart️

    thanks for replying. 

  • Hi, 

    Firstly I am sorry you are going through this. It is incredibly hard to navigate so I do feel for you. 

    Has your daughter had an ASD diagnosis and if so, was this recent? 

    My daughter is 13 and very similar to yours however we have the added stress of social media and her phone as she is that bit older. We are in the process of seeking a therapist to help with her diagnosis as it seems she is unable to accept this fully and is totally overwhelmed with wanting to be the same as every single girl her age and doesn't want to stand out at all so will do that to the detriment of her entire family. I would suggest seeking help from a therapist if this is something you can do? I wish I had more advice but we are struggling too at the moment and you feel at such a loss. But this is not unusual, From what I have read online on this forum and other places this is very common for girls with ASD. Trying to put in strict boundaries will help although she will probably hate you for them. Keeping everything really calm regardless of her kicking off too and trying not to over talk to her. Making sure she knows that you are there if she wants to talk. Sorry I can't be of more help x