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Daughter (17) struggling to cope with first relationship break-up

Angelteejay

Hello. I'm struggling, my daughter even more so. She broke up with her first boyfriend 3 months ago and is still heartbroken. She was getting better but it turns out she has been contacting him ever since and won't let him move on with his life. He feels sorry for her and keeps talking to her and at times, is overly nice, which sends out the wrong signals and makes her believe there is hope of a reconcilliation. There isn't. He has recently started seeing other girls, which he denied to my daughter, but she has very recently discovered is true. She cannot under any circumstances accept this and wants to know what was 'wrong with her'. She also can't come to terms with 'being replaced'. All her own words, not mine. she is having meltdowns every day and self harming, screeching, crying. It's absolutely heartbreaking to watch her. I am just hoping somebody can give me some advice please. I'm at a loss as what to do. I just want her to be happy.

  • I used to react terribly to relationship breakdowns. I now understand this as being myself unable to manage my emotions. I would feel so heart broken, like my heart had been ripped out of me, which led to melt down. I believe its called emotional dysregulation. I had nobody to comfort me  i think that would have gelped, just somebody to hold me. 

    I used to" blame" the other for breaking my heart, even if they weren't right for me, until one day i realised that it was me that was breaking my own heart by the way i was reacting. It has taken me until im in my 50's to realuse this.

    If she will let you, pethaps comfort her as much as you can, and im sure it will get better x