Published on 12, July, 2020
I've been mulling over this for a long time. In the workplace it's expected that the female/female identifying colleagues will take care of the soft skill aspects of being in a team. Team member has a birthday? Well you're expected to arrange flowers, cake, card, gift, lunch, dinner. Male members are not expected to do this kind of work. In my most recent position I have been open about being autistic yet all the time I am aware that the males get away with not giving a damn if it's someone's birthday or what a team member is going through, yet I'm expected to do the work of putting myself out because what? I have secondary sexual characteristics that in their eyes define me as woman/ nurturing/should care. I don't care unless I actually care about the person. It's stupid and unfair that in the NT world we have to survive in I'm expected to make this effort for some stupid sexist notion about what it means to be female.
I can tell you something that makes this expectation even more pronounced. I work in HR, but not for the "people". I do well in technical skills. But soft skills? No thanks, bye.
Are you being honest with people that this isn't something you are good at and that putting the expectation on you will inevitably mean they are disappointed? Or are you doing the thing we do that they call "masking" and trying to keep up with the expectation or trying to very passively get your point across?
I am really good at everything I need to be good at to pass as a capable woman. I'm as honest as is needed. I'm not passive, I've been labeled as subversive in my professional life for speaking up. I get that you are saying that I need to be assertive but it's not that is it? It's totally not that. It's not on me to correct assumptions.