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Newly Diagnosed

RockChick
over 1 year ago

I'm not really sure what to write if I'm honest...

So I had an assessment via Right to Choose on Tuesday and the psychiatrist gave me a diagnosis of 'ASD'. It explains so much of why I've always felt like an outcast (sometimes even amongst the other 'outcasts') but my overwhelming feeling is of anger - why it wasn't picked up when I was younger and why I had to struggle so much through High School and the horrendous bullying I've gone through in work places. I'm already in therapy for neurodivergent people or those suspected to be neurodivergent which has helped somewhat but I still can't shake the anger side of things.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Parents
  • over 1 year ago

    I was actually assessed and told that I wasn't autistic and went down blind alleys of depression treatment for fourteen or fifteen years before I was diagnosed properly two years ago! Strangely, I don't really remember feeling a lot of anger, which makes me wonder if I'm repressing it all because it's too "dangerous." I'm not good at expressing or even acknowledging anger, not least because I have alexithymia -- difficulty recognising and understanding my own emotions.

    What I still have is the "What if...?" questions: What if I had been diagnosed the first time? What if I had been diagnosed at school? What if [change any variable from my life that vaguely relates to autism]? I try not to go down that road because, realistically, nothing good can come of it. If I realise I could have had a better life, there's still no way to access that imaginary life. While I still struggle in many areas, I'm trying to focus on the positives in my life (I'm getting married in two months!) and build a new life with diagnosis day as Day 1.

Reply
  • over 1 year ago

    I was actually assessed and told that I wasn't autistic and went down blind alleys of depression treatment for fourteen or fifteen years before I was diagnosed properly two years ago! Strangely, I don't really remember feeling a lot of anger, which makes me wonder if I'm repressing it all because it's too "dangerous." I'm not good at expressing or even acknowledging anger, not least because I have alexithymia -- difficulty recognising and understanding my own emotions.

    What I still have is the "What if...?" questions: What if I had been diagnosed the first time? What if I had been diagnosed at school? What if [change any variable from my life that vaguely relates to autism]? I try not to go down that road because, realistically, nothing good can come of it. If I realise I could have had a better life, there's still no way to access that imaginary life. While I still struggle in many areas, I'm trying to focus on the positives in my life (I'm getting married in two months!) and build a new life with diagnosis day as Day 1.

Children
  • over 1 year ago in reply to Luftmentsch

    Thank you for mentioning alexithymia. I googled it and it was 100% applicable to me. Now I realise that I have struggled with my emotions because I don't recognise, understand or deal properly with them. I just feel a big jumble of feelings that confuse me and lead to angry outbursts and/or a shutdown into silence.

    Thank you so very much for helping me. And congratulations on your upcoming wedding!