Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm not really sure what to write if I'm honest...
So I had an assessment via Right to Choose on Tuesday and the psychiatrist gave me a diagnosis of 'ASD'. It explains so much of why I've always felt like an outcast (sometimes even amongst the other 'outcasts') but my overwhelming feeling is of anger - why it wasn't picked up when I was younger and why I had to struggle so much through High School and the horrendous bullying I've gone through in work places. I'm already in therapy for neurodivergent people or those suspected to be neurodivergent which has helped somewhat but I still can't shake the anger side of things.
Has anyone else experienced this?
Oh definitely. I think I've experienced more anger post diagnosis than the rest of my life leading up to it. There is the anger about why it wasn't picked up earlier and a sense of loss for how different things could have been if I'd known earlier.
There has also been anger about the lack of any support post diagnosis. I wrongly believed that understanding what was behind my lifelong severe anxiety would open up access to therapy to help. However that has proved impossible and I am left to try and cope alone as best I can. If you don't mind sharing I'm curious as to how you've managed to access some therapy for the neurodivergent?. I've just been told repeatedly there is nothing available in my area and the only way to access therapy would be to go private.
For so many years I had blamed myself for all the difficulties I experienced throughout my education and in the workplace. Now finally I understood that it wasn't my fault and I could stop blaming myself. However that anger that was previously directed inwards has had nowhere else to go. It's been a tough rollercoaster but I am thankful that I have finally learned the truth about who I am.
Thank you for your reply.
I had lots of talking therapy, mind matters, CBT etc all for things like depression and anxiety. I then had a major breakdown in 2019 due to bullying at work and was referred to a social prescriber who I first mentioned to a friend said I may have ASD and they referred me (then I went right to choose) and asked about what talking therapies I'd had and when I mentioned pretty much everything she said about either drama, art or some other therapy - so I said I'd like art therapy as I love drawing and found out it was for neurodivergent people when I got the letter through. All four of us when we started were 'suspected' and awaiting assessment and I got mine Tuesday. The others in my group are sadly still waiting but it's geared around how our experiences can be related to either autism or ADHD - or both!