My whole life I have felt different but never knew why, I always felt different to my friends, they were always outgoing and I was just the “quiet” or “shy” one. I never wanted to be away from home without my family until I met my boyfriend as he is my secure person and the only person I feel safe travelling with. I never went on a girls holiday when all my friends did, and I never knew why I struggled so much at the thought of it, I’m 24 and I have never been abroad without my parents, despite having opportunities to. I’ve lost friends due to not wanting to go on trips with them.
1. I have generalised anxiety disorder and also extreme social anxiety and struggle massively in social situations, to the point where i’ve ended up quitting jobs due to getting so overwhelmed. I always wonder why everyone can hold down a job but I can’t. Every one of my friends is so successful and once I start to get somewhere, I end up taking a step back as I get so overwhelmed. I don’t find it easy to speak my mind, so I keep things to myself and it makes the situation worse. I often get told I appear confident but on the inside i am full of social anxiety. I overthink everything I say and feel like an idiot every time I have a conversation with someone. I overthink every single conversation. I’ve never felt like I fit in, even with friends I’ve had for years, I still don’t always feel comfortable around them. I always feel like I appear as rude when I don’t join in on conversations, but it’s just because I am super overwhelmed. When I get too overwhelmed with anxiety, I can’t deal with it face on, I run away from the situation. This is why I have lost so many jobs.
2. I get fixated on things, like majorly fixated. mainly with celebrities. I spend all day watching videos of them and finding out everything I can about them. My life revolves around a celebrity once I am fixated on them, then this goes away and I find another thing to fixate on.
3. I daydream and just fixate on literally nothing a lot of the day, my teachers at school picked up on this. I often just stare into space.
4. I love being alone, I always have to have time on my own. I am always at my most comfortable sat on my own in my bedroom, however I also do like to see my boyfriend and my friends, depending on what it is we are doing. but I always need time on my own or I get agitated.
5. I am very sensitive and get upset easily. Every time someone says something that hurts me I can’t let it go for ages. I also get very annoyed when people don’t understand how I feel and don’t see things from my point of view.
6. I often bounce my leg when I am sat, not sure if this is just due to anxiety or not.
7. I never know what people are thinking or feeling and I often just assume I am being judged for every little thing I do. I guess this ties in with the social anxiety.
8. I wouldn’t say I have major sensory issues but any sort of loud nose really annoys me and I get very frustrated. I also hate any sort of noise when I am trying to sleep. I need white noise on to block any sort of outside noise so I have my fan on when I sleep all year round, even in winter months.
I know this is long but I really think I need to get this checked. I’ve felt different my entire life and I know this isn’t normal to be feeling this way.
