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Undiagnosed autism

mihika

Hey guys,

I am 17 years old currently in therapy for anxiety and depression.I am trying to convince parents to get an assessment done but it's really difficult to access due to the distance.I am in my last year of schooling, this is the time period where my anxiety got worse.I was never verbal about my problems, everyone thinks I'm an introvert even when I get overwhelmed with people, used to get bullied bcoz of my low voice, can't figure out their intentions, don't understand sarcasm, being called too quiet cause internally I'm waiting for someone to talk about something I like, referred for speech therapy from the therapist, stim a lot with my hair and can't stand loud noises. Basically, i've been masking all my life and I feel it has collected over the years and finally developed tremendous anxiety and has taken control of my brain.I obsessively researched about autism for months and then I diagnosed myself."You're just an introvert","everyone is like that","why can't you talk more openly" I'm tired of hearing this bullshit.I just need to talk to someone who understands, everyone thinks that autism means you're "mentally ill" , it's not, it exists in different ways in people.All the more reason to dislike labels.

I'm just tired of people invalidating me and when they ask me why I think I'm on the spectrum my mind goes blank and I get overwhelmed because it makes me think I've gone mad when I know that I wouldn't be here if I thought I wasn't.

Can someone help me with getting a diagnosis online?I need a reliable doctor to get an assessment done, also, I feel the need to talk to my parents but I've spoken to them about this so many times that I don't know what to do now.My friends are ignoring me and I always get involved with the toxic groups.I just want to know how to deal with this.

Please help me with this I would be so grateful.

Thanks,

Mihika

  • The best I can do is arm you with some knowledge because it can take a long time to get diagnosed. 

    Something I didn't realise when I was your age was that I didn't Relate with other peers. This is what the Double Empathy problem is about. It is a matter of Relating with and Responding as Expected. For girls and women, we might be overlooked as we're assumed more quiet or reserved as a social norm. 

    Something else I didn't experience was having an inner critic or an ongoing, non-stop inner dialogue/monologue. I have non-stop music and images in my head. I didn't even know this was a thing. But it was a bit of a fog from the chaos and difficulty of filtering out 'unwanted signals' or 'unwanted noise'. Because NT's brains are actually a design which auto-filters out unwanted signals. So they have an incredibly difficulty understanding how someone couldn't. 

    What we're up against is Cognitive Bias. Which not only contributes to the Dunning Kruger effect, but it makes it sometimes seemingly impossible to be conveyed to another who doesn't experience the same. 

    Something is lost in translation between NeuroTypical (properly termed Neurotic) society and Neuro-Divergent individuals who can be marginalised because of these communication errors.

    When people ask you "why you think you're... [anything]"- many times it's some kind of challenge that doesn't have anything to do with the question but matters of who's superior and why they should treat you as 'special'. In my experience the issue is Fairness, not  a list of criteria. I think the book Field Guide to Earthlings talks about this as well. It's a good book to refer to. Chances are you're better off creating a mental script in response to this, which you may need to repeat and rehearse. The best response would be to respond with "What exactly are you asking me?" Or "How do you mean" - basically, find out the Subtext. 

    A few problems can exist that even keep us from being heard. Unfortunately, one is the way we come across, which most of us need a rule book for. How we respond or speak with / to others can often be more important as it's the "Gatekeeper" to being heard. And how that is perceived by the other plays a role in whether they want to hear what you're trying to express. YES- This puts a great deal of work back on us. It's not fair in the least. But I for one have decided to use it to my advantage and become better for it. I have researched and unearthed so much I would never had known has I not been forced to. I do wish I had help. I asked for help reading at a critical time with authority figures and never received it. But here I am, and I intend to make waves with this knowledge. 

    We don't have to play social power games. I can take responsibility for my role in an exchange with another. A parents responsibility is to help us merge into society, mine didn't help much, so I know how that feels -2 people in the whole world who should have our back, so when they don't it's extra intense. Here are some responses that might help for all social situations: 

    "I'm having trouble in life and asking for help. You don't have to help me but I do need to find someone who will."

    "I want to understand but I don't. Help me make sense of what you're saying"

    "It's ok if you don't want to believe my experience. Perhaps we think very differently or just don't share values"

    If nothing else, it's always good to pause and figure out how to Connect rather than Compete (dominate). NT society also confuses genuine connexion with Demanding Attention. Adverts want our attention. Humans need to Connect and Relate with others. 

    Here's a few links that might help: https://www.instagram.com/thearticulateautistic/ https://aucademy.co.uk 

    Introversion is not Autism. Introverts recharge in their solitude, they might be deep thinkers, but might not have social communication problems or be Monotropic: https://monotropism.org

    Also, maybe it's a good time in life to clear out people who leave you feeling worse off. Good friends take a very long time to build and we only need 2-3. We tend to meet them in spaces with shared interest. So, a rock climbing group or a walking group or crafting group. But I also found learning helpful virtues or, a better word is Values really helped me begin to find others with these same values. Openness, gratitude, respect, for instance. Someone like Erich Fromm is a good help here. His first few books The Art of Loving and The Revolution of Hope hold a good deal of wisdom.