I'm noticing that I don't seem to be as socially affected as many other autistic folks. I don't completely miss cues, I tend to overanalyze them and notice the small things others don't. I can tell when someone is getting offended, even if it's very slight. I easily pick up on emotions, sometimes it gets so overwhelming I feel like I'm losing control of my mind and my body because I get emotionally overloaded easily. I can't tell if my ability to read non-autistic people has come from years of practice and observation + pattern recognition in behavior OR if it's a genuine thing I could always do since a child, yet as a child I have many memories where it seemed I was socially clueless and would people-please in order to make up for my confusion around other children.
Socially, I'm mostly affected where I initiate social conversations, lack of eye contact, I stim when speaking, feeling clueless and lost when socializing, nervous due to not knowing what to say or do, easily overwhelmed by social situations, cannot have a conversation when it's too busy around me, and the like, not understanding small talk, feeling frequently bored or uninterested in most conversations, finding it hard to understand others and relate to them, etc. All BUT being unable to read social cues. Non-autistic people are easy to read and easy to get past for me. I can detect lying, I can see them being upset when they try hiding it, and it's hard to ignore. It's like I have an ingrained A.I in my brain that can detect people's emotions super easy. I feel a lot.
I find that my social struggles will definitely pop up during stress, though, where it seems like I miss cues and I miss subtext or I overthink it. When I am faced with an emotional situation where I can tell the other person is struggling, I have a really bad tendency to freak out. My brain turns to mush, I get dizzy and feel angry or like I'm about to pass out. It's debilitating. I tend to miss cues, I literally cannot make eye contact without crying, and I shut down emotionally because I can't cope.
I'm wondering if anybody else is like me here. It feels a bit lonely when I try discussing this with other autistics.