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Newly diagnosed 33yo woman - any advice from other women on emotional overwhelm/meltdowns?

Emma

Hi all :) It's my first post here. I was diagnosed about a month ago. I am still coming to terms with it really! I dont know if any other women here struggle with meltdowns, I feel these affect my relationship with my partner and in turn my relationship with myself. I think the last one happened due to me trying to force myself to adapt to a routine change at the last minute. I have only just begun to see them as what they are and learned terms for them - I have also just thought I was mentally/emotionally unstable. I have had intense overwhelm/meltdown/shutdowns all my life.

As a child these were physically destructive, and as a younger adult I anaesthetised them with alcohol and drugs. Im glad to say they are not like this now. However they are harmful to my partner - they are expressed normally as anger. My body language, tone of voice and sometimes what I say during one of these periods is very negative, probably seemingly completely out of the blue and can upset him. I see that I'm doing this and because I am very empathetic toward him and 'attached' to his emotions it makes it worse. They are also internally destructive to me.. I would never talk to another person the way I talk to myself internally during and after, and I feel I prolong the whole thing by repeatedly apologising after and beating myself up for them, sometimes over the course of days. I feel intense remorse almost immediately.

I am wondering if anyone can relate and if anyone has any advice on how to handle them better when they happen? Perhaps there's a way I can better explain how I am feeling, rather than just becoming snappy and saying negative or angry things? Or perhaps it is a case of just saying what I need at that time.. I am unsure what that is yet though. Perhaps you guys have identified some triggers, or ways to protect yourselves and prevent them from occurring? 

I apologise if this is a bit cut-to-the-chase for a first message on these boards and an intro message would have been better. But I appreciate you guys' time for reading it :)

Parents

  • Hello Emma,

    At 54 I’ve overcome meltdowns but I spent a difficult decade with them after having children and having less control over my day to day life. 

    So here’s my advice based on my experience and of course we’re all unique so take from it what you will but at least be encouraged that it should improve over time.

    • once having a meltdown you can’t do much about it, so I would only try to do what you need to get through it (retreat, distraction, not trying to talk things through!) Note Tony Attwood says that we’re usually very smart but our thinking deteriorates during a meltdown.
    • When you’re feeling good/better and not in a meltdown, that is the time to focus on your health and thinking and circumstances so as to reduce the severity of your meltdowns in the future. That is my biggest learning.
    • Be kind to yourself after a meltdown (and during if possible).

    I very much relate to your situation so I’m cheering for you that things will get better!!!

    Helen Slight smile

Reply

  • Hello Emma,

    At 54 I’ve overcome meltdowns but I spent a difficult decade with them after having children and having less control over my day to day life. 

    So here’s my advice based on my experience and of course we’re all unique so take from it what you will but at least be encouraged that it should improve over time.

    • once having a meltdown you can’t do much about it, so I would only try to do what you need to get through it (retreat, distraction, not trying to talk things through!) Note Tony Attwood says that we’re usually very smart but our thinking deteriorates during a meltdown.
    • When you’re feeling good/better and not in a meltdown, that is the time to focus on your health and thinking and circumstances so as to reduce the severity of your meltdowns in the future. That is my biggest learning.
    • Be kind to yourself after a meltdown (and during if possible).

    I very much relate to your situation so I’m cheering for you that things will get better!!!

    Helen Slight smile

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