Newly diagnosed 33yo woman - any advice from other women on emotional overwhelm/meltdowns?

I had to make a great deal of changes in my 20's and then into my 30's. All without a diagnostic, but I just kept running into walls / errors. The first thing I had to continually sort was my biology. Working out allergies and deficiencies was quite difficult. A hormone balance helped, but I had much less control over the intensity of impact for a few days of the month. Sensory impact was already a problem, but add another person - and I dated several who were simply not a good match, let's say, the kind who enjoyed watching me break down, and that needed to change. 

The second thing I had to learn was to remove myself from others who weren't concerned about my best interests. That included a parent who was a bit sadistic, individuals who accused me of all kinds of nonsense and those I thought were friends but were unkind at best. I hadn't understood how to identify the difference between Boundaries and Abuse because my tolerance for abuse was so low. I grew up in rather unfortunate circumstances. Reading The Artists Way was a first step toward learning to identify either those I just shouldn't be around or those who were intentionally cruel. 

That said I have had dated a few more reasonable others - someone capable and interested in working through problems to find understanding.

Many of us don't mature properly, we might take a lot longer to grow up an part of the reason is difficulty with social cues, a difficulty understanding the self (sometimes from never feeling seen), and these lead to a difficulty relating with others (empathy), and never learning how to invest in friends or relation-ships / how to Relate With. I needed wiser older women to sit down with me and explain some basic ways of being I had never learned that everyone else did actually get a memo on. 

I think someone mentioned alexithymia - which is good to look up. I not only have difficulty identifying my emotions (there's too many tangled up all at once), but when I was younger I was incredibly withdrawn, if not frozen. Almost a hypo-sensory state, seemingly 'apathetic' when not breaking down (but apathy is not survival mode). I was incredibly unaware of everything that was affecting me. The fact was, I was Hyper-Sensory and in a perpetual state of being overwhelmed, so it didn't take much to tip the ice.

However, one thing in particular can be horrendous: Interruptions. They're rude for start, so it's ok to call that out. But if you've been demanded of, surprised, pushed, never given a moment to breathe or feel the need to constantly escape, and so on, this may be something to start at. Interruptions aren't just antithetical to our Design, they are Hell on Earth. They are anything which stops a flow. A missing set of keys, a broken kettle, pressing the wrong button, an accident, a word that won't come to mind and so on. Have a look at Monotropism.org it's quite helpful in understanding Being Autistic. This positive aspect of being (monotropic) has a dark reality to contend with. If this is new to you, a helpful tip is this: You cannot force a process and you cannot cut a process short.

I had to make a great deal of changes in my 20's and then into my 30's. All without a diagnostic, but I just kept running into walls / errors. The first thing I had to continually sort was my biology. Working out allergies and deficiencies was quite difficult. A hormone balance helped, but I had much less control over the intensity of impact for a few days of the month. Sensory impact was already a problem, but add another person - and I dated several who were simply not a good match, let's say, the kind who enjoyed watching me break down, and that needed to change. 

The second thing I had to learn was to remove myself from others who weren't concerned about my best interests. That included a parent who was a bit sadistic, individuals who accused me of all kinds of nonsense and those I thought were friends but were unkind at best. I hadn't understood how to identify the difference between Boundaries and Abuse because my tolerance for abuse was so low. I grew up in rather unfortunate circumstances. Reading The Artists Way was a first step toward learning to identify either those I just shouldn't be around or those who were intentionally cruel. 

That said I have had dated a few more reasonable others - someone capable and interested in working through problems to find understanding.

Many of us don't mature properly, we might take a lot longer to grow up an part of the reason is difficulty with social cues, a difficulty understanding the self (sometimes from never feeling seen), and these lead to a difficulty relating with others (empathy), and never learning how to invest in friends or relation-ships / how to Relate With. I needed wiser older women to sit down with me and explain some basic ways of being I had never learned that everyone else did actually get a memo on. 

I think someone mentioned alexithymia - which is good to look up. I not only have difficulty identifying my emotions (there's too many tangled up all at once), but when I was younger I was incredibly withdrawn, if not frozen. Almost a hypo-sensory state, seemingly 'apathetic' when not breaking down (but apathy is not survival mode). I was incredibly unaware of everything that was affecting me. The fact was, I was Hyper-Sensory and in a perpetual state of being overwhelmed, so it didn't take much to tip the ice.

However, one thing in particular can be horrendous: Interruptions. They're rude for start, so it's ok to call that out. But if you've been demanded of, surprised, pushed, never given a moment to breathe or feel the need to constantly escape, and so on, this may be something to start at. Interruptions aren't just antithetical to our Design, they are Hell on Earth. They are anything which stops a flow. A missing set of keys, a broken kettle, pressing the wrong button, an accident, a word that won't come to mind and so on. Have a look at Monotropism.org it's quite helpful in understanding Being Autistic. This positive aspect of being (monotropic) has a dark reality to contend with. If this is new to you, a helpful tip is this: You cannot force a process and you cannot cut a process short.