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Newly diagnosed 33yo woman - any advice from other women on emotional overwhelm/meltdowns?

Emma

Hi all :) It's my first post here. I was diagnosed about a month ago. I am still coming to terms with it really! I dont know if any other women here struggle with meltdowns, I feel these affect my relationship with my partner and in turn my relationship with myself. I think the last one happened due to me trying to force myself to adapt to a routine change at the last minute. I have only just begun to see them as what they are and learned terms for them - I have also just thought I was mentally/emotionally unstable. I have had intense overwhelm/meltdown/shutdowns all my life.

As a child these were physically destructive, and as a younger adult I anaesthetised them with alcohol and drugs. Im glad to say they are not like this now. However they are harmful to my partner - they are expressed normally as anger. My body language, tone of voice and sometimes what I say during one of these periods is very negative, probably seemingly completely out of the blue and can upset him. I see that I'm doing this and because I am very empathetic toward him and 'attached' to his emotions it makes it worse. They are also internally destructive to me.. I would never talk to another person the way I talk to myself internally during and after, and I feel I prolong the whole thing by repeatedly apologising after and beating myself up for them, sometimes over the course of days. I feel intense remorse almost immediately.

I am wondering if anyone can relate and if anyone has any advice on how to handle them better when they happen? Perhaps there's a way I can better explain how I am feeling, rather than just becoming snappy and saying negative or angry things? Or perhaps it is a case of just saying what I need at that time.. I am unsure what that is yet though. Perhaps you guys have identified some triggers, or ways to protect yourselves and prevent them from occurring? 

I apologise if this is a bit cut-to-the-chase for a first message on these boards and an intro message would have been better. But I appreciate you guys' time for reading it :)

Parents

  • The best way to avoid meltdowns is to learn to read your own emotional state and recognise when you are having the kind of feelings that build up to it.  It might help to ask your partner because they might recognise your signs of stress before you do.  Everyone's triggers are different, and it could be a combination of factors- tiredness and hormones for me, and things not being the way I expect them to be.  Finding ways to sooth myself, like somewhere dark and quiet, or something tactile can help bring me back down a bit.

    If a calm emotional state is level 1, and a meltdown is level 10, it's about learning to spot when your at level 6 or 7 and taking a break.  Of course sometimes I still miss it, or I don't get the chance to walk away when I need to and then things get out of hand, but that's okay too.  Negative emotions are a part of life.  It's okay to get angry, the trick is how we deal with that anger.

    In school we use charts to help children recognise and communicate where they are on the scale (they call it 5 point scale if you want to Google for ideas) and I'm actually thinking of making one for myself. I want to make it a robot theme, with comments like "functioning in acceptable parameters" and "suboptimal: run diagnostic tests."  Or maybe a spaceship, then I could have "warp core breach imminent!" as the final stage.  But that's just my sense of humour about it.

Reply

  • The best way to avoid meltdowns is to learn to read your own emotional state and recognise when you are having the kind of feelings that build up to it.  It might help to ask your partner because they might recognise your signs of stress before you do.  Everyone's triggers are different, and it could be a combination of factors- tiredness and hormones for me, and things not being the way I expect them to be.  Finding ways to sooth myself, like somewhere dark and quiet, or something tactile can help bring me back down a bit.

    If a calm emotional state is level 1, and a meltdown is level 10, it's about learning to spot when your at level 6 or 7 and taking a break.  Of course sometimes I still miss it, or I don't get the chance to walk away when I need to and then things get out of hand, but that's okay too.  Negative emotions are a part of life.  It's okay to get angry, the trick is how we deal with that anger.

    In school we use charts to help children recognise and communicate where they are on the scale (they call it 5 point scale if you want to Google for ideas) and I'm actually thinking of making one for myself. I want to make it a robot theme, with comments like "functioning in acceptable parameters" and "suboptimal: run diagnostic tests."  Or maybe a spaceship, then I could have "warp core breach imminent!" as the final stage.  But that's just my sense of humour about it.

Children
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