Struggle to connect with other women

Humans aren't designed to have too many close friends. Maybe 2-3 tops. My long-standing friendships took at least a year or two to build/invest into and then intentional practice - there's an Art to Friendship. 

Most non-autistics have a significant amount of acquaintances. And due to 'feeling like everyone else', which is a bit of a default mode for their neurology, they easily mirror, mimic the group and can appear to easily be connected, but I think it's important to note that this can be a facade and superficial. Many are simply just on the 'same wavelength' if you think about similar brain patterns producing similar brainwaves - there is some new neuroscience on this.

Friendships require a responsibly for the other, similar to a partner. And a degree of separation so at to not expect others to carry more than they are capable. Balancing can be difficult too, as an other cannot be a 'special interest'. It's overbearing - I say this having made that mistake a few times!! LOL What I withhold can be just as difficult as what I divulge. Intentional kindness is always effort, but shouldn't cost us, as it should also present boundaries. Individuals who care about growth and protecting the self, tend to care about another's growth and being mindful to not betray friends. Really, these can be summed up with just the practice of good virtues. Being mindful of my control issues (we all have them), taking notice of small matters of importance, being patient and someone others depend on, taking care to work through my emotions either with a therapist or mentor so as to not expect friends to carry emotional weight if they're also taking on too much.

When I started really thinking about this I hadn't realised I wasn't like everyone else. I'm quite intense. Eccentric - and I love this word. And I needed a lot of work on becoming a more integrated person (aligning my deeper truths, actions, words so to not need to apologise or regret a thing excepting a genuine mishap).

I did find a few older women who mentored me along the way. I found certain things helpful, like learning principles don't come before people. This doesn't apply to abuse or toxic situations, but it meant I needed to allow others room to grow at their pace, not try to force them to understand a thing that seemed dead obvious to me. there's a matter of being graceful and allowing room for another. And then there's the matter of understanding who I found myself at ease in friendships with (a baker, a jeweller, an engineer - all makers and crafters) and who I needed to watch out for (usually the ENFP, the immature ones who found my Jungian Type mysterious and interesting, but these would always wear me out and become intolerable). 

It's good to find a group of interest and join it. Finding community is necessary for us to hunt down. But practicing caring for, or focusing on and listening to an other can take a good amount of brain-power. I can so easily sink into my own little world and find almost anything but other humans incredibly interesting. But it's not good for the soul. We do actually need relationships. Genuinely focusing on another and expressing interest in them while maintaining some emotional and psychological distance is just a practice. I can honestly say I don't ever have a work/life balance. But I manage. Human relationships require a great deal. I can engage with those OR I can work, so I need to be aware of my limits.  

Humans aren't designed to have too many close friends. Maybe 2-3 tops. My long-standing friendships took at least a year or two to build/invest into and then intentional practice - there's an Art to Friendship. 

Most non-autistics have a significant amount of acquaintances. And due to 'feeling like everyone else', which is a bit of a default mode for their neurology, they easily mirror, mimic the group and can appear to easily be connected, but I think it's important to note that this can be a facade and superficial. Many are simply just on the 'same wavelength' if you think about similar brain patterns producing similar brainwaves - there is some new neuroscience on this.

Friendships require a responsibly for the other, similar to a partner. And a degree of separation so at to not expect others to carry more than they are capable. Balancing can be difficult too, as an other cannot be a 'special interest'. It's overbearing - I say this having made that mistake a few times!! LOL What I withhold can be just as difficult as what I divulge. Intentional kindness is always effort, but shouldn't cost us, as it should also present boundaries. Individuals who care about growth and protecting the self, tend to care about another's growth and being mindful to not betray friends. Really, these can be summed up with just the practice of good virtues. Being mindful of my control issues (we all have them), taking notice of small matters of importance, being patient and someone others depend on, taking care to work through my emotions either with a therapist or mentor so as to not expect friends to carry emotional weight if they're also taking on too much.

When I started really thinking about this I hadn't realised I wasn't like everyone else. I'm quite intense. Eccentric - and I love this word. And I needed a lot of work on becoming a more integrated person (aligning my deeper truths, actions, words so to not need to apologise or regret a thing excepting a genuine mishap).

I did find a few older women who mentored me along the way. I found certain things helpful, like learning principles don't come before people. This doesn't apply to abuse or toxic situations, but it meant I needed to allow others room to grow at their pace, not try to force them to understand a thing that seemed dead obvious to me. there's a matter of being graceful and allowing room for another. And then there's the matter of understanding who I found myself at ease in friendships with (a baker, a jeweller, an engineer - all makers and crafters) and who I needed to watch out for (usually the ENFP, the immature ones who found my Jungian Type mysterious and interesting, but these would always wear me out and become intolerable). 

It's good to find a group of interest and join it. Finding community is necessary for us to hunt down. But practicing caring for, or focusing on and listening to an other can take a good amount of brain-power. I can so easily sink into my own little world and find almost anything but other humans incredibly interesting. But it's not good for the soul. We do actually need relationships. Genuinely focusing on another and expressing interest in them while maintaining some emotional and psychological distance is just a practice. I can honestly say I don't ever have a work/life balance. But I manage. Human relationships require a great deal. I can engage with those OR I can work, so I need to be aware of my limits.