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My parents don’t understand

Zoe

I have been diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum for over 10 years. I have parents who have managed to understand in the 10 years since my diagnosis one thing out of everything they need to know and understand about autism. The only thing that they understand is the sensory side of it. They can’t seem to grasp the fact that when you have an autistic child you can’t pick and choose what you want to know and understand and that what’s needed from them is to understand it all. They constantly see me as the problem because they don’t understand autistic behaviour! This is causing meltdown after meltdown and they are completely oblivious and unaware that it’s their lack of understanding of autism that is causing it! I am being faced with an attitude from them that is of nothing but pure ignorance! They also don’t understand that their lack of understanding of autism is doing a lot of harm to me mentally and emotionally and that it’s making the other problems such as my anxiety and depression worse! I am now making a decision to live my life independently away from them! Any support would be greatly appreciated!

Parents

  • Face to face verbal discussions can be less effective than the written word - for autistic people in general, and because emotions can cloud issues. In your post above, you have effectively conveyed your difficulties. You may be better able to do the same for your parents in a written letter. Asking them to take it away and read through it thoroughly, should not tax their abilities unduly. If you could then back up what you have said using relevant pamphlets or even books on autism, it might help.

    It is also often the case that parents of autistic children feel misplaced guilt, that their parenting was defective and the cause of the autism. This can result in various levels of denial, from denial that their offspring is autistic at all, through to denial of a child, acknowledged to be autistic, being able to be functionally autistic. The latter appearing to be your position. If you can reassure them that your autism is due to differences in brain architecture and absolutely no blame attaches to their parenting, it also might help.

Reply

  • Face to face verbal discussions can be less effective than the written word - for autistic people in general, and because emotions can cloud issues. In your post above, you have effectively conveyed your difficulties. You may be better able to do the same for your parents in a written letter. Asking them to take it away and read through it thoroughly, should not tax their abilities unduly. If you could then back up what you have said using relevant pamphlets or even books on autism, it might help.

    It is also often the case that parents of autistic children feel misplaced guilt, that their parenting was defective and the cause of the autism. This can result in various levels of denial, from denial that their offspring is autistic at all, through to denial of a child, acknowledged to be autistic, being able to be functionally autistic. The latter appearing to be your position. If you can reassure them that your autism is due to differences in brain architecture and absolutely no blame attaches to their parenting, it also might help.

Children
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