Sorry folks but I need a rant. Ellie is getting worse and the professionals aren't much better. Its been almost 5 years since we bought her differences to light and still have very little answers. Its now every single day for hours on end of self harming and constant abuse to us and her siblings. When Ellie is at school I'm constantly trying to gather evidence, chase up appointments, sending emails, fighting for DLA, fighting for school transport, all while trying to hold down a job. The wife is busy looking after the yougest and trying to get some deserved sleep during nursery time. Is this really how life is going to continue? At this point I'm so stressed I'm gonna have a coronary in next couple of years. At least I have life insurance!
I've just had 3 days straight trying to edit video for CAMHS, just to show those bruises on her head didn't come from us, but were self-inflicted. Been seriously thinking of going private with the Lorna Wing center in London, but then I need to find 3k (credit card perhaps, not the best idea I know but we're desperate), then looking at the Lorna Wing referral, a number of reports that need to be done even before your offered a place is an uphill challenge with our local health service.
As you can probably guess we are in a horrible place at the moment. I've barely found the time to write this message but I've forced myself to maintain some sanity. Then I worry about my other two daughters and how horrible it must be for them. Our eldest is eleven and when I see her, her eyes are filled with tears. She hates sleeping at home so sleeps down nannies. We've explained to her and she understands at a basic level but it's so unfair for all of them.
Whatever you wanna call it, it's a devilish condition when not controlled. Thank god me and the wife are strong. This is enough to test the strongest of relationships and it shouldn't be this way. As a parent we know its not just 'challenging behaviour' but your constantly given the guilt trip despite having two other thriving daughters.
Ellie is not bad, she is just complex and needs some help understanding her complicated world. Ellie is gorgeous and has a special piece of my heart (I know I shouldn't say that) but I feel to blame, I had problems growing up and wonder if I passed something on to her.
We got called into school this week, the head wants to place Ellie on the SEN register, not for her behaviour because she is an angel at school but for her academic progress. However, the way things are escalating I will be amazed if she can keep a lid on it for much longer. Only time will tell. Secretly I hope it does blow at school, perhaps then the 'professionals' will take notice. I cannot believe the state of this country. I appreciate the NHS, dam I worked on the front line as a para for some time. But it's a shambles, this is meant to be a developed country, its more like a dam circus. Sorry for being so negative, just needed a rant. Ellie's Dad Paul.
