Hi I've just joined and I hope it's ok to post this. I really need some help. My 15 yo son has Aspergers. He decided when he was 13 that he could either be bullied or hook up with the tough kids and be an aggressor (he hasn't been a bully but if he's angry he'll hit first and regret it later). He has been arrested 3 times in the past year for fighting. He refuses to go to school. He sometimes doesn't come home and stays out all night.
Things began to fall apart a year ago. He stopped cooperating with us and refused to comply with punishments e.g. I'd ground him for coming home late and he'd just walk out the door anyway. At school he became verbally aggressive when challenged by teachers. At home he would break things and punch walls. To cut a long story short he was arrested for affray in July and excluded from school in October. His issues at school usually stemmed from Aspergers e.g. not understanding and feeling frustrated because a teacher in one class would allow mobiles but a teacher in another class would ban mobiles, so he'd argue with the teacher about it then things would spiral.
He went to another school which got rid of him after 4 days because they asked him what he thought of his teachers and, among other frank views, he told them the PE teacher was fat and shouldn't be teaching PE. Since then he hasn't had a school place and has been going to a temporary school (a room in a medical centre). They want to place him in a school for badly behaved kids and he refuses to attend.
He has refused to cooperate with CAMHS for mental health treatment.
He got drunk last weekend and got arrested because a "friend" lied to him that a stranger called him autistic and he then threatened the stranger. Although he's not taking drugs I learned in our conversation on the way home from the police station that other people are getting him to get drugs for them.
I don't know how to reach him any more. No amount of talking or punishing or rewards for doing the things on our good behaviour list makes any difference. We tried to get him to stop hanging around with the bad crowd but he has known his friends in that crowd since nursery and making new friends is too difficult. He doesn't see anyone else's point of view and he can't imagine consequences until they happen. My son's behaviour has spiralled out of control and I just don't know what to do. I don't think he does either - he's given up and it's easier to not care than to keep trying to fit in.
My husband and I have had contact with different social work and youth offender people who have all said we're doing the right things. But it's getting us nowhere. I should add, he's not violent towards his family, though he is verbally aggressive.
Sorry for the essay but if anyone has any experience with this and can help, I'd be so grateful.
