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Can't take anymore

ebonyuk72

Hi
My daughter is 15 and has Aspergers/Anxiety/School refusal. Two years ago she broke down and said she'd rather die than go to school and admitted trying to cut her wrists. Through CAMHS and her secondary school she was given home tutoring and has since moved into a special school that she attends part time. She seems to like it there, has some great friends and has done really well but, over the two years I've pretty much been on my own with it all.
My husband works long hours and while I'm sure he has Aspergers traits of his own, but he just doesn't understand our daughter or her problems at all, he simply thinks she "needs to get a grip" and have done with it. The rest of my family either don't want to know or dont understand and can't be bothered to try. Everything has been okay and we've been getting there until yesterday when my daughter suddenly broke down and started all over again. Nothing has changed, and nothing has happened at the school that I'm aware of so whats set her off I have no idea. Of course I'm worried for my daughters future as she should be starting her GCSE subjects in April, but if she can't even get her foot in the door of a school what chance has she got?

Yesterday she was crying and being sick at the mere thought of going to school, but I managed to calm her down and get her to go in, only for them to call and have her come home an hour later, she just couldn't cope with being there. Today has been the same, crying and being sick whenever the word 'school' is mentioned, its history repeating itself and I'm not sure I can go through it all again. I dont know weather to try and push her in for one lesson because I fear if I let her stay home it'll go on and on and she'll never get back in again, or let her stay home only to have her pick up and act like nothing is wrong, until you mention school again.

Maybe it sounds selfish I dont know, but I honestly dont think I can go through it all again. No one in my family ever asks how I'm coping with it and just expect me to carry on as if nothing else is happening. My Dad is disabled and I care for him too, he can't understand Aspergers at all so just puts more and more on me without stopping to think what else i may have going on. He's going to have a fit when he finds out my daughter has had a relapse as it were.

I feel like I have no support, no answers and no one cares and i just dont know what else to do.

Parents

  • Hi

    We have been through many of your experiences in 'ourhouse'. I thought it would be a comfort to know that there can be positive outcomes with the correct help. My son who has ASD experienced similar problems in primary school. The most important piece of advise I can give you is to keep communicating with your daughter, give her time to say what upsets her and ask her opinion on how you can help her solve them. You will be doing this several times a day for a very long time. It will get easier and the problems can be helped and resolved. As a parent we expect the best for our children and why not, different they may be however as a member of society we should all be accepted. The next time the school phone to ask you to pick your daughter up try saying that indeed you will come in to discuss the problem however by removing her froms school only results in temporary relief for both them and your daughter. Arrange with the school, headteacher, ed pysch. and behaviour support unit to meet and discuss issues. Telephone a service called enquire and ask them to go with you to this meeting. Discuss with your daughter what is happening and ask if she would like to come to the meeting. Arrange through this contact the best way forward her your daughter. Remember commmunicate with her and say to her that withdraeing from school is not an option, explain to her that if you can get her help with her anxities then she will start to feel better. Ask her if she can think of a strategy that will help (my son writes down his feelings and worries). Get another refferal to clinical psychology who can help her deal with her anxieties.I suppose what I am trying to say is that there can be light at the end of the tunnel, my son with alll the support mentioned has now completed 6th year at high school, obtained 5 Highers at B grades and has gained entry to university this summer. His school said at the age of 9 years that they did not think he could sit exams and would probably not complete high school. He has written a short essay about his reflection of autism, if you think you or your daughter would like to read this please get in touch and I will forward it to you, He is happy to share this to help others.

Reply

  • Hi

    We have been through many of your experiences in 'ourhouse'. I thought it would be a comfort to know that there can be positive outcomes with the correct help. My son who has ASD experienced similar problems in primary school. The most important piece of advise I can give you is to keep communicating with your daughter, give her time to say what upsets her and ask her opinion on how you can help her solve them. You will be doing this several times a day for a very long time. It will get easier and the problems can be helped and resolved. As a parent we expect the best for our children and why not, different they may be however as a member of society we should all be accepted. The next time the school phone to ask you to pick your daughter up try saying that indeed you will come in to discuss the problem however by removing her froms school only results in temporary relief for both them and your daughter. Arrange with the school, headteacher, ed pysch. and behaviour support unit to meet and discuss issues. Telephone a service called enquire and ask them to go with you to this meeting. Discuss with your daughter what is happening and ask if she would like to come to the meeting. Arrange through this contact the best way forward her your daughter. Remember commmunicate with her and say to her that withdraeing from school is not an option, explain to her that if you can get her help with her anxities then she will start to feel better. Ask her if she can think of a strategy that will help (my son writes down his feelings and worries). Get another refferal to clinical psychology who can help her deal with her anxieties.I suppose what I am trying to say is that there can be light at the end of the tunnel, my son with alll the support mentioned has now completed 6th year at high school, obtained 5 Highers at B grades and has gained entry to university this summer. His school said at the age of 9 years that they did not think he could sit exams and would probably not complete high school. He has written a short essay about his reflection of autism, if you think you or your daughter would like to read this please get in touch and I will forward it to you, He is happy to share this to help others.

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