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Can't take anymore

ebonyuk72

Hi
My daughter is 15 and has Aspergers/Anxiety/School refusal. Two years ago she broke down and said she'd rather die than go to school and admitted trying to cut her wrists. Through CAMHS and her secondary school she was given home tutoring and has since moved into a special school that she attends part time. She seems to like it there, has some great friends and has done really well but, over the two years I've pretty much been on my own with it all.
My husband works long hours and while I'm sure he has Aspergers traits of his own, but he just doesn't understand our daughter or her problems at all, he simply thinks she "needs to get a grip" and have done with it. The rest of my family either don't want to know or dont understand and can't be bothered to try. Everything has been okay and we've been getting there until yesterday when my daughter suddenly broke down and started all over again. Nothing has changed, and nothing has happened at the school that I'm aware of so whats set her off I have no idea. Of course I'm worried for my daughters future as she should be starting her GCSE subjects in April, but if she can't even get her foot in the door of a school what chance has she got?

Yesterday she was crying and being sick at the mere thought of going to school, but I managed to calm her down and get her to go in, only for them to call and have her come home an hour later, she just couldn't cope with being there. Today has been the same, crying and being sick whenever the word 'school' is mentioned, its history repeating itself and I'm not sure I can go through it all again. I dont know weather to try and push her in for one lesson because I fear if I let her stay home it'll go on and on and she'll never get back in again, or let her stay home only to have her pick up and act like nothing is wrong, until you mention school again.

Maybe it sounds selfish I dont know, but I honestly dont think I can go through it all again. No one in my family ever asks how I'm coping with it and just expect me to carry on as if nothing else is happening. My Dad is disabled and I care for him too, he can't understand Aspergers at all so just puts more and more on me without stopping to think what else i may have going on. He's going to have a fit when he finds out my daughter has had a relapse as it were.

I feel like I have no support, no answers and no one cares and i just dont know what else to do.

Parents

  • Thank you all for your support, encouragement and information.

    Jim. Thank you for the links. I'd not heard of the Parent to parent support before and its certainly something I will look into, just to know someone else is there to listen would be a great help.

    Mhairi. She did have a friend at her mainstream school who she spoke to about her problems, but that 'friend' then told everyone else about her problems and they proceeded to put it all over Twitter and take the mickey out of her, not to mention me too. I knew kids could be horrible but that was beyond belief. Anyway, its made her find it hard to trust anyone now, so she'll only talk to me or the psychiatrist (am waiting for an appointment) which i can totally understand. I think, and Daisygirl kinda confirmed it, they just can't seem to say what the problem is, all she knows is that she's scared and doesn't know why. I know what you mean about looking after ourselves though, I was desperatly trying to loose weight but have just given up, I can't be doing with worrying about what I eat as well, I dont have the time or the energy. Thanks for your support

    Daisygirl. I'm going to show your post to my husband in the hope that he will finally understand that its a disability and she can't just "get a grip" as he puts it. I've suffered anxiety myself over different things so I understand how debilating it can be, he seems to think that if I just push her into things she'll have to "face it" and "deal with it" I can't make him understand that pushing her will only make it worse. Perhaps if he reads it from someone else who not only has the anxiety but Aspergers too he might just get it.
    Thank you so very much for proving that what I've been trying to say for the past two years is right, not being an Aspie myself its hard to understand sometimes but, like I said i've had the anxiety so I can relate to that far more than my husband ever will.

    She seems a bit better today and did manage one lesson yesterday which I was proud of. She's going into school this afternoon and seems okay with that, I know then things will be fine until lunch time Sunday when the worry of Monday morning will start to kick in, she might be alright, I just dont know now. Time will tell.
    Thanks again xxx

Reply

  • Thank you all for your support, encouragement and information.

    Jim. Thank you for the links. I'd not heard of the Parent to parent support before and its certainly something I will look into, just to know someone else is there to listen would be a great help.

    Mhairi. She did have a friend at her mainstream school who she spoke to about her problems, but that 'friend' then told everyone else about her problems and they proceeded to put it all over Twitter and take the mickey out of her, not to mention me too. I knew kids could be horrible but that was beyond belief. Anyway, its made her find it hard to trust anyone now, so she'll only talk to me or the psychiatrist (am waiting for an appointment) which i can totally understand. I think, and Daisygirl kinda confirmed it, they just can't seem to say what the problem is, all she knows is that she's scared and doesn't know why. I know what you mean about looking after ourselves though, I was desperatly trying to loose weight but have just given up, I can't be doing with worrying about what I eat as well, I dont have the time or the energy. Thanks for your support

    Daisygirl. I'm going to show your post to my husband in the hope that he will finally understand that its a disability and she can't just "get a grip" as he puts it. I've suffered anxiety myself over different things so I understand how debilating it can be, he seems to think that if I just push her into things she'll have to "face it" and "deal with it" I can't make him understand that pushing her will only make it worse. Perhaps if he reads it from someone else who not only has the anxiety but Aspergers too he might just get it.
    Thank you so very much for proving that what I've been trying to say for the past two years is right, not being an Aspie myself its hard to understand sometimes but, like I said i've had the anxiety so I can relate to that far more than my husband ever will.

    She seems a bit better today and did manage one lesson yesterday which I was proud of. She's going into school this afternoon and seems okay with that, I know then things will be fine until lunch time Sunday when the worry of Monday morning will start to kick in, she might be alright, I just dont know now. Time will tell.
    Thanks again xxx

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