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Can't take anymore

ebonyuk72

Hi
My daughter is 15 and has Aspergers/Anxiety/School refusal. Two years ago she broke down and said she'd rather die than go to school and admitted trying to cut her wrists. Through CAMHS and her secondary school she was given home tutoring and has since moved into a special school that she attends part time. She seems to like it there, has some great friends and has done really well but, over the two years I've pretty much been on my own with it all.
My husband works long hours and while I'm sure he has Aspergers traits of his own, but he just doesn't understand our daughter or her problems at all, he simply thinks she "needs to get a grip" and have done with it. The rest of my family either don't want to know or dont understand and can't be bothered to try. Everything has been okay and we've been getting there until yesterday when my daughter suddenly broke down and started all over again. Nothing has changed, and nothing has happened at the school that I'm aware of so whats set her off I have no idea. Of course I'm worried for my daughters future as she should be starting her GCSE subjects in April, but if she can't even get her foot in the door of a school what chance has she got?

Yesterday she was crying and being sick at the mere thought of going to school, but I managed to calm her down and get her to go in, only for them to call and have her come home an hour later, she just couldn't cope with being there. Today has been the same, crying and being sick whenever the word 'school' is mentioned, its history repeating itself and I'm not sure I can go through it all again. I dont know weather to try and push her in for one lesson because I fear if I let her stay home it'll go on and on and she'll never get back in again, or let her stay home only to have her pick up and act like nothing is wrong, until you mention school again.

Maybe it sounds selfish I dont know, but I honestly dont think I can go through it all again. No one in my family ever asks how I'm coping with it and just expect me to carry on as if nothing else is happening. My Dad is disabled and I care for him too, he can't understand Aspergers at all so just puts more and more on me without stopping to think what else i may have going on. He's going to have a fit when he finds out my daughter has had a relapse as it were.

I feel like I have no support, no answers and no one cares and i just dont know what else to do.

Parents

  • Hi ebony,

    Really sorry to see how you are feeling. I don't think there's anything selfish in feeling overwhelmed, especially with everything you, your daughter and your Dad is facing.

    It's sounds like you and your daughter have done a huge amount and if you're getting so little recognition then it's bound to take an increasing toil on you.

    Your experience hasn't been something I've gone through, so I wouldn't want to suggest what may be best, hopefully other parents and people on the spectrum can share their knowledge.

    In the short term I'd really like to suggest a couple of services we run. We know getting through may be difficult, and you may have already tried them, but if you haven't they could at least provide some practical advice, reassurance and support.

    Our Parent to Parent service allows parents to chat on the phone with people who have been through similar situations. People who may be much more understanding of what you and your daughter is facing than members of your family.

    You can call in and arrange for someone to call back to discuss your situation -
    http://www.autism.org.uk/our-services/advice-and-information-services/parent-to-parent-service.aspx

    On a more practical level there is our Education Rights Service - it may not be exactly right but I think it could be worth speaking to them to see what steps they suggest to find help. Here's the page where you can read more -
    http://www.autism.org.uk/Our-services/Advice-and-information-services/Education-rights-service.aspx

    And this may be more of a stretch but some of our pages about autism may be worth printing off and showing to your Dad. I'm sorry if that sounds twee and obvious but here's the link just if some of the information may help him be more understanding.
    http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autism/autism-and-asperger-syndrome-an-introduction.aspx

    I hope some of the above can be helpful, don't know if it's any comfort but all of us here do care about what you're facing.

Reply

  • Hi ebony,

    Really sorry to see how you are feeling. I don't think there's anything selfish in feeling overwhelmed, especially with everything you, your daughter and your Dad is facing.

    It's sounds like you and your daughter have done a huge amount and if you're getting so little recognition then it's bound to take an increasing toil on you.

    Your experience hasn't been something I've gone through, so I wouldn't want to suggest what may be best, hopefully other parents and people on the spectrum can share their knowledge.

    In the short term I'd really like to suggest a couple of services we run. We know getting through may be difficult, and you may have already tried them, but if you haven't they could at least provide some practical advice, reassurance and support.

    Our Parent to Parent service allows parents to chat on the phone with people who have been through similar situations. People who may be much more understanding of what you and your daughter is facing than members of your family.

    You can call in and arrange for someone to call back to discuss your situation -
    http://www.autism.org.uk/our-services/advice-and-information-services/parent-to-parent-service.aspx

    On a more practical level there is our Education Rights Service - it may not be exactly right but I think it could be worth speaking to them to see what steps they suggest to find help. Here's the page where you can read more -
    http://www.autism.org.uk/Our-services/Advice-and-information-services/Education-rights-service.aspx

    And this may be more of a stretch but some of our pages about autism may be worth printing off and showing to your Dad. I'm sorry if that sounds twee and obvious but here's the link just if some of the information may help him be more understanding.
    http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autism/autism-and-asperger-syndrome-an-introduction.aspx

    I hope some of the above can be helpful, don't know if it's any comfort but all of us here do care about what you're facing.

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