Struggling with ways to manage my daughtets behaviour

My daughter was recently diagnoaed with ASD. She is 3 years 9 months. We are waiting for her last appointment to find our where on the spectrum she is. Ive been working with her nursery teachers but we are all at a loss with her some days. She has periods where she is brilliant and listens and tantrums are few and far between. Then we get weeks of constant screaming and hitting. She tells people she doesnt like them quite often and is really hard to control in public which has become a danger around cars etc. Ive tried many techniques to try and help her but nothing seems to get through to her and me and her dad are at our wits end. How can i teach her right from wrong when she wont listen to anything said to her. She shows a real lack of empathy unless its for herself. She instantly cries when told no which can lead to a major meltdown. Every day is a battle alately. Any advice from someone who has similar issues? We love our unique little girl and just want to do the best for her

Parents
  • Hi, My daughter is 4.5 and has been diagnosed for about 6 months- so I'm very much in the same boat as you.

    We have had issues with meltdowns for a long, long time and were lucky enough to get some support from a specialist health visitor for children with complex needs before the funding was slashed for the job role in our area. Some of the advice we got was so helpful- particularly for us was 'say no without using the word no' our daughter is really reactive to being told no, instead of hearing "No, you can't have your tablet now" she hears "No, you can never have your tablet again" so now we say "Yes, you can have your tablet after dinner" or "Yes you can have that piece of cake tomorrow but it is nearly dinner time, so not today" this dropped our number of meltdowns straight away. 

    I would get on the phone and pester the health visitors in your area to get you some support- hopefully you can get some good advice. 

    I would also suggest making feelings and faces daily topics of conversation- we hung a mirror on the side of a cupboard at her eye level and stuck print outs of PECS (I dont know if you use them they are picture cards to help communicate) faces above it and spend a little time each day practising what faces look like and what they mean. Also really over emphasise when her behaviour has an emotional impact "What a star, when you help me tidy like that I feel so happy" or "That is so sad, when you hit me like that I feel bad". Also make sure you reinforce her perceptions of her own feelings. We have to ask my daughter "what feeling do you have?" and she will answer, but it took her a long time to not answer excited every minute of every day lol.

    You can get tonnes of books for that age that talk about feelings- See how I feel, How do You Feel, Playdate Pals are particularly good as they come with stickers. 

Reply
  • Hi, My daughter is 4.5 and has been diagnosed for about 6 months- so I'm very much in the same boat as you.

    We have had issues with meltdowns for a long, long time and were lucky enough to get some support from a specialist health visitor for children with complex needs before the funding was slashed for the job role in our area. Some of the advice we got was so helpful- particularly for us was 'say no without using the word no' our daughter is really reactive to being told no, instead of hearing "No, you can't have your tablet now" she hears "No, you can never have your tablet again" so now we say "Yes, you can have your tablet after dinner" or "Yes you can have that piece of cake tomorrow but it is nearly dinner time, so not today" this dropped our number of meltdowns straight away. 

    I would get on the phone and pester the health visitors in your area to get you some support- hopefully you can get some good advice. 

    I would also suggest making feelings and faces daily topics of conversation- we hung a mirror on the side of a cupboard at her eye level and stuck print outs of PECS (I dont know if you use them they are picture cards to help communicate) faces above it and spend a little time each day practising what faces look like and what they mean. Also really over emphasise when her behaviour has an emotional impact "What a star, when you help me tidy like that I feel so happy" or "That is so sad, when you hit me like that I feel bad". Also make sure you reinforce her perceptions of her own feelings. We have to ask my daughter "what feeling do you have?" and she will answer, but it took her a long time to not answer excited every minute of every day lol.

    You can get tonnes of books for that age that talk about feelings- See how I feel, How do You Feel, Playdate Pals are particularly good as they come with stickers. 

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