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Violent melt downs and running away

chezzy

My 5 yr old daughter has been diagnosed with PDD-NOS....in the last week or so when she has a meltdown she has become more violent than usual and has started to run away; if we are outside she just runs off if we are inside she goes out the front door. 

I now have to keep my front door locked and my keys hidden (keys have been lost several times as my memory is awful!) 

I just need ways to cope with her trying to run off/out...help? 

    • My daughter has autism and has a history of absconding from the age of 5 to 12.  She managed to find keys, unscrew window locks and run away at night time and day time.  She wasn't running away from me, rather she would be running to shops with chocolate in them.  Easter and Christmas were the worst times of years.  I now have contact alarms on front and back doors and better locks on windows.  I keep front and back doors locked and carry keys with me.  I sleep with them pinned to my nightwear.  In addition, interior doors are locked eg kitchen and lobby door.  I have a small walled garden as we are mid-terrace.  She had no difficulty getting over 3 walls in order to get to the end of terrace and get out onto the street.  The local police have a 'marker' on our house, and I update them with a photo of my daughter ever so often incase she absconds in the future.  I've always found the police to be amazing and understanding.  They have a duty to report these events to Children's Services.  My experience of Children's Services isn't so good.  I would advise you get into the habit of locking the front door behind you as soon as you are indoors.  It's second nature to me.  Get contact alarms for exterior doors.  I have an old-fashioned shop door bell on the bathroom door to alert me.  I've also planted prickly plants in the garden at points where she has tried to scale the walls - pyracantha is really prickly.  But basically, this isn't unusual for children with autism.  When my daughter started to do this I did some research and found some good info from Canadian and Australian autism websites - they seemed to be more helpful with practical ideas than UK ones, but that was about 9 years ago.  Hope this helps.  

  • MacaroniMum said:

    All I can honestly say, is that it does get easier as they get older, but only because you don't have to go after them. If my daughter runs off now, I just let her go as I know she will be back when she's ready

    This sounds familiar. I used to sometimes run off. The first time, I was talked back into going somwhere where I didn't really want to go. Every other time it happened, I was left to come back when I was ready.

  • Hi Chezzy,

    I feel your pain.

    My daughter is 12yrs old now, but has been running off since she was 3yrs old. It is still difficult now, and we still have to lock the front door and hide the keys, and yes, I've lost them too.

     The only thing that seems to work for us, is to keep her permanently engaged in something when we're out. When she was small it was ' I Spy' and letting her run the distance of 2 lamp posts and back to tire her out, but when the meltdowns come it's best to avoid the discussion altogether and do your best to ignore her bad behaviour by distracting her, until you get home. No-ones perfect though and it's very hard especially if your daughters very strong and good at running. I've raced down the street many times after my daughter and been bitten and kicked by her when I've tried to hold her to stop her running off again. Very upsetting and embarrasssing too.

    All I can honestly say, is that it does get easier as they get older, but only because you don't have to go after them. If my daughter runs off now, I just let her go as I know she will be back when she's ready, and when she returns I just ignore it as she's forgotten it anyway. I'm considering putting a gps on her phone so I know where she is but that's all I can do. You can limit the aggression in the meltdowns by not talking too much but I don't think you'll be able to get rid of them altogether.

    This is probably not that helpful to you I know, but rest assured that there are plenty of parents out there struggling with exactly the same problem as you.

    Wishing you well

  • I've not long got rid of a stair gate! lol....typical!...

    My main problem when we are out is I can't catch her easily when she does run off, and she's getting too strong for me to be able to hold her!

  • My son is 10 and still has meltdowns and runs away from me when things aren't going his way. If you can get a security gate so that you can have your front door open and she can't get out. I've also found not discussing in the street works well. Wait until you are in a safe place.

  • not often anything I can actually do to stop them before they start at the moment.... 

  • Yeh....plans changing, or being told no after being told yes earlier (the no was because the misbehaved after being told yes)....or bedtimes....tonight was because she didn't want to tidy up so had toys taken away.