Not good at staying calm around my autistic son

From similar experience of struggling to keep calm while caring for our son who has severe autism, learning disability and behavioural issues, I'd say probably you're having problems with too much stress, and that most people under this level of stress can feel like they have "anger issues". It could help talking to a counsellor and getting tips on how to manage stress, if you've not done that already. One tip is get some exercise every day whether just a brisk walk or travel to work/errands etc by bicycle. Another vital thing is get some respite. You should hopefully qualify for short breaks from your council, it may be only 60 hours a year but it helps a lot. You have to find a decent provider - we've been happy with Scope and Mencap. Its possible to pay for some respite yourself, the going rate for 1-to-1 support seems to be £15-16/hr but if you use childcare vouchers from work thats like getting 1/3 off. If you get tax credits there can be more help still. Some people maybe feel guilty putting their child in respite but as long as you pick the right provider, why not? Our son has a good time when he goes there, we get recharged and are then nicer to him, and its not the child themself you're trying to get a break from, its their level of disability, and you're doing them a favour if they have fun with people who have more energy to give them for a while then you've got more to give them later.  Not to mention the other child , who needs a break too from all this. We too have another little one and have also worried about the effect on her of a fraught household - over time she seems to have dealt with it reasonably well. as long as both kids know you love both of them, maybe you can explain to the younger one sometimes Mummy gets stressed and sad when the older one plays up, but that no-one means to be unkind. I think you may find his sister gets used to him doing some crazy stuff to her. Our daughter who is now 2 1/2 is used to a lot of crazy things. Her brother pokes her, tries to walk through her etc, luckily he's not bitten her yet but always a certain risk. He chews her toys. Despite this they have a lovely bond. She used to cry when he let out blood-curdling yells at the dinner table (as he needs to do,  for sensory regulation), now she thinks its funny!  She also now tells us off if we're short/speak sharply with him, and says that he's sad. She acts as a brake on us failing to be calm, bless her.

Good luck, I hope things can become less stressfull for your family,

From similar experience of struggling to keep calm while caring for our son who has severe autism, learning disability and behavioural issues, I'd say probably you're having problems with too much stress, and that most people under this level of stress can feel like they have "anger issues". It could help talking to a counsellor and getting tips on how to manage stress, if you've not done that already. One tip is get some exercise every day whether just a brisk walk or travel to work/errands etc by bicycle. Another vital thing is get some respite. You should hopefully qualify for short breaks from your council, it may be only 60 hours a year but it helps a lot. You have to find a decent provider - we've been happy with Scope and Mencap. Its possible to pay for some respite yourself, the going rate for 1-to-1 support seems to be £15-16/hr but if you use childcare vouchers from work thats like getting 1/3 off. If you get tax credits there can be more help still. Some people maybe feel guilty putting their child in respite but as long as you pick the right provider, why not? Our son has a good time when he goes there, we get recharged and are then nicer to him, and its not the child themself you're trying to get a break from, its their level of disability, and you're doing them a favour if they have fun with people who have more energy to give them for a while then you've got more to give them later.  Not to mention the other child , who needs a break too from all this. We too have another little one and have also worried about the effect on her of a fraught household - over time she seems to have dealt with it reasonably well. as long as both kids know you love both of them, maybe you can explain to the younger one sometimes Mummy gets stressed and sad when the older one plays up, but that no-one means to be unkind. I think you may find his sister gets used to him doing some crazy stuff to her. Our daughter who is now 2 1/2 is used to a lot of crazy things. Her brother pokes her, tries to walk through her etc, luckily he's not bitten her yet but always a certain risk. He chews her toys. Despite this they have a lovely bond. She used to cry when he let out blood-curdling yells at the dinner table (as he needs to do,  for sensory regulation), now she thinks its funny!  She also now tells us off if we're short/speak sharply with him, and says that he's sad. She acts as a brake on us failing to be calm, bless her.

Good luck, I hope things can become less stressfull for your family,