I have a son who was born in the late sixties, and I think that some of his behaviour was similar to what I have been reading recently about autism. Autism has been mentioned in the media in recent years and I am struggling to understand what it is.
In the sixties, seventies, and eighties we had no internet, and we had not heard of anything like it. Other parents at school only spoke of all the usual childhood illnesses and there were no friends or family with anything different.
Our little boy could be very difficult, often contrary, and would sulk and shut himself away. We tried to cheer him up when he was unhappy, and he was hard work. We always went to school parents evenings, and took him to the Doctor when we were concerned about him. In his early teens he seemed depressed and often anxious and the Doctor referred him to a therapist. The first meeting was all of us together, and then he attended on his own. This was only available up to the age of 18.
After that time he attended Doctors and Counsellors, but no-one ever suggested to us that he may have a named condition, and we always thought that it must be something that he would grow out of.
Unfortunately, his problems seem to have worsened over the years. He has not been in contact with us for many years, but we have heard that he has been saying dreadful things. We have learned that he has convinced himself that we are to blame for all his problems, and that he is constantly spreading many cruel stories about us.
As parents, we tried everything from encouragement, praise, trying very hard not to upset him, to trying a firmer approach at times and trying to ignore his negative thoughts. We encouraged him to be positive, and reminded him of all his pluses e.g. how handsome he was; how intelligent; how he had a family that loved him etc. We bought music cds specifically for relaxation and destressing, and we all discussed regularly whether there was anything else we could do. We just thought that we were dealing with a child who was going to take longer than most to find his way in life, and to be happy.
The Counsellor that he was seeing as an adult advised us that there was nothing more we could do, and that we were already doing everything that we could. We just kept hoping that soon he would be less anxious and depressed.
Are there other parents of older grown up autistic children who have had similar experiences? Our son may not even have autism, but something must be making him the way he is. We have been retired for several years and not in the best of health but we still try to understand.
