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Not sure this is in right place.

confusedmama

I have no idea if I am in the right area but after some advice.  My son is 5 years old in year one and on waiting list to have assessments for autism. He's had some problems behaviour wise we did think we had got somewhere this week. However yesterday he had a complete meltdown wen I asked him about it he said teacher had taken his line off him for Xmas play because he wouldn't sit nice at side of stage. 

Spoke to his teacher this morning and basically what happened is in rehearsal he was taking his jumper off and putting it back on. He then was swinging it over his head. He isn't a fan of sitting and waiting his teacher asked for his jumper he screamed no and curled himself up in a ball around his jumper (it's his and he likes to keep it with him) he was basically told to give them the jumper or they was giving his line to another child anyway he ended up in a meltdown screaming for 20 minutes which resulted in him losing his line. 
He's been so excited about having a line and practising all the time hes really upset he is now a singer and showing a picture he wants to do his line. His play is on Tuesday afternoon (about an hour from finishing time) I'm really worried it will cause another meltdown when he doesn't get to say his line (it's very rare for him to be so interested in something like this) I don't want it spoiling for the other children but more importantly (to me) I don't want my boy upset over something that he can't control or understand. 
His teacher is leaving and my husband has made an appointment with the headteacher to discuss making the transition to a new teacher easier for him. And I'm thinking about asking the headteacher if instead of him doing the play can I pick him up and take him home early. I have no idea how he's going to respond to this and I don't want him known as the boy who ruined the year 1 play for the rest of his school life. He already has enough problems at school with being anti social and with he meltdowns other kids call him a cry baby. Pls advice would be helpful am I over reacting should I let him do the play and hope for the best 
  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Generally, the best way to deal with a child with autism is to use positive reinforcement. Encourage the good behaviour and ignore or distract from bad behaviour. It sounds as though the school are being very transactional (tit for tat) and they won't manage to make this seem fair to him. He will think that he is being arbitrarily punished and he will rebel against the school.

    If a school can't create the right environment - do listen to what the head says to you though - then he may be better off in a different school. Their approach will work for some children but not all. Being relentlessly positive will work for most children but not all - some children may thrive if there is a clear line of right and wrong with punishments being fairly given out. Autistic children will generally thrive if they can see that things are fair and if they have the opportunity to do what they can do and if the things they can't do are ignored.

  • He is showing signs of being on the spectrum. Although two formal diagnoses has been made I feel he was treated a bit harshly by the teacher taking away his line in the play. He has other consequences losing a star means losing the return of one of his toys. Friday she said he was fine at rehearsal and was happy enough as a singer. But today he's been in a foul mood all day and come home in a foul mood and hurt another child (although I dnt know how he doesn't like sharing information like that and school will only tell me so much). tomoro I have a meeting with the head as his teacher is leaving and want to make sure a plan is in place for him to have an easy transfer of authority. It's like a never ending labrynth  just cnt get the right way I am struggling so much with this I have no idea how to help my boy. He always is and will b my priority 

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Ideally, the school should make allowances and provide resources to enable him to participate as fully as he can in the play. If he is clearly on the spectrum then they should treat him appropriately as such. It is an opportunity for them to make a good impression on him. The issue is not really about how will be remembered by others (people have short memories) but it may have an affect on him - traumatic experiences at school can have lasting consequences.