Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everybody,
I am sorry but we are failing, we don't know what to do or where to turn. Our son, was diagnosed with aspergers at an early age and is now twenty-one.
We have tried and tried to encourage him, tried and tried to help and support him but we are failing. He left school three years ago and now there is nothing. His daily routine is simply sitting in his bedroom, on his laptop,day in day out. We cannot say or do anything that will encourage him to look for any form of work, any form of social interaction outside his room.
We feel we are enslaved to him, washing for him, feeding him, clothing him, basically providing everything thing he needs. We have tried and tried to talk to him, encourage him but we have failed. We, not our son, have applied for jobs for him, wrote a CV for him, managed to get him a few voluntary jobs. He as simply walked away from them.
We really don't know what to do, all we seem to do now is worry ourselves sick about his future. There is no motivation, no interest and now he is becoming physically out of shape. We try to encourage him to join in with family events, he shows no interest and makes excuses simply to go back to him room.
Night after night now we simply try to formulate ideas, discuss it over and over again and most of the time it simply ends with us in tears, through worry.
Sorry for the long post but we really are the point where we feel we are failing.
You say you feed him, wash for him and clothe him - I assume this means you cook his meals, launder his clothing and bedding, and buy new clothes for him? You describe him as having aspergers, which I assume means he has no serious learning difficulties and should be able to take care of his own physical needs? So stop doing his washing and buying his clothes. Show him how to use the washing machine and tell him he has to clean his own room. He has to learn to do these things - he is a grown man now and shouldn't be a burden to you.
As already suggested, seek help from an autism support group and try to get him involved in things outside the home which might pique his interest.
Finally, have you thought about the armed forces as an option? He could learn self discipline in an ordered and organised environment while training for a career, and it might do him and you good to have a break from each other.