• Replies 2 replies
  • Subscribers 65 subscribers
  • Views 741 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

my 20 year old

scmitt26a

Like many posts on here i will begin by saying "where do I start?" My son Charlie is now 20 and was diagnosed with mild Aspergers at a young age. He had a tough time at school with very few friends and although he is very intelligent he found learning in the "correct way" difficult. Now he has left school he has no friends or social interactions. He recieves ESA and has amassed a healthy bank account. He "games" on his computer into the early hours and then sleeps for most of the day. He has no real routine. He often goes out late at night to pick up takeaway meals. Due to this he has gained a lot of weight. He is fixated by guns and knives and has quite a few for display in his room. He is so difficult to talk to. He refuses to talk about anything and when he does it becomes a very hard conversation to conduct. I freely admit that I find it hard to know what to say or how to say it to him. I just feel like he's drifting away from all of us. His brother desperately tries to Help him but always is knocked back. His appearance courts ridicule and we would hate for him to become targeted by others. I know I can't wrap him up in cotton wool I would just like some pointers from others in a similar situation.

  • I could have written the post by scmitt26a myself.  My son in nearing his 21st birthday.  When he was 7 or 8 we thought he might have Aspergers, and at that time living in the Pacific Northwest of the USA, we were fortunate to learn that one of the world's leading centres on Aspergers was based on our dooorstep at OHSU in Portland Oregon.  I recall at the time that he "scored" 40 on the autism scale, but we were advised that this was not a high enough score for him to be statemented on our return to the UK. He has progressed through Uni and is nearing his finals, but many of the traits that we first noticed appear to have become more accentuated: he has few friends, is socially awkward and can be quite obsessive about certain things such as the position of a sausage on his plate.  He too used to play computer games endlessly, but more recently watches music videos for hours on end.  He is oblivious to nuance and takes all things very literally. 

    As he nears graduation and his 21st birthday, I worry deeply about his ability to find meaningful work and to lead what I might consider to be a normal social life.  Moreover, I am not sure he has ever been explicitly told about the purpose of that assessment all those years ago (if he even remembers it) or our fears that he might have Aspergers.  Regrettably my wife and his monther died five years ago, and I have shied away from raising the subject.  I would like some advice: do I tell my son now about the Aspergers test?  Do I suggest he be reassessed?  Whatever course I might be recommended, I won't tell him until he's 21 in June and after his final exam.  My own leaning is to do both as I think future employers will view him more favourably with a confirmed diagnosis.  

    Thanks in advance for any advice.

  • My son is 22 and spends most of his time on the computer and playing video games. I have a hard time getting him to take a shower and brush his teeth and he will put his dirty clothes back on again when he does. He was diagnosed with Autism when he was 3 and he has gotten better in some ways as he has gotten older. He is in his own world and it is hard to get in. I have found that he will talk more if we are in the car and I use food as a motivator. He does have a weight problem because he snacks a lot. He doesn't drive but gets out of the house several times a week to go to spend time with others with disabilities. I constantly worry that I am not doing enough but he is happy. I don't really have any pointers I just wanted you to know you aren't alone.