Lonely teenager

My son has ASD and ADHD.  He is fifteen now.  He is my only child and we don't have any family close by,  although his father is very good with Harry and spends a lot of time with him. 

When Harry was young he had lots of friends,  but as he got older he became less popular and there was an element of me having to buy his friendships.  Harry is very sociable and loves the company of his peers.  I would take other peoples children to fairs, lazer zone,  play centres, swimming,  days out,  you name it I did it.  It cost me a fortune and was very rarely recipricated,  but I didn't care because my son was happy.  I would frequently have large groups of children in my house all weekend,  from morning through to the evening,  and I would feed them all and be happy and charming even though they drove me up the wall.  I gave him the bigest and the best parties ever,  not just birthdays, but halloween and Christmas.

I Got Harry to join clubs to make friends.  Pony club,  BMX,  Art and football.  I had a lot of control in keeping my boy surrounded by other children,  and he was happy,  and because he was happy so was I.  But all that control has gone now.  I can no longer buy his friendships. 

Harry had a best friend at secondary who also had ASD.  He moved away last summer.  Harry is a loney boy these days.  He locks himself in his bedroom at the weekends with the curtains closed and plays games on his phone.  He doesn't play his xbox any more though I got him xbox live.  He has had friends and even girlfriends as he wears trendy clothes,  he is tall and nice looking.  But his friends have stopped inviting him out and I know its because of Harrys Autism.  He is not seen as cool to socialize with.  He can appear immature which can be quite irritating.

I see the kids that he grew up with around the village in groups.  The boys go and play football or basketball,  or they all just hang out,  but Harry is not welcome.  He's at home locked in his bedroom.  My heart is absolutely breaking over it. 

  • I am also heartbroken over a similar situation- my 15 year old is so lonely he cries every night - I can’t find any clubs I don’t know what to do

    I would recommend getting him to read the following books:

    Social Skills for Teenagers and Adults with Asperger Syndrome - A Practical Guide to Day-to-day Life - Nancy J., Ph.D. Patrick (2008)
    ISBN 9781843108764

    An Aspie's Guide to Making and Keeping Friends - Attwood, Tony, Evans, Craig R., Lesko, Anita (2015)
    eISBN 9781784501259

    Friendships The Aspie Way - Wendy Lawson (2006)
    ISBN 184310427X

    As for clubs, where are you based?

  • Hi I see this is an old post but I am also heartbroken over a similar situation- my 15 year old is so lonely he cries every night - I can’t find any clubs I don’t know what to do ! 

  • Hi I read your comments and I have similar situation with my fourteen year old son, he wants friends but has real difficulty in joining in with the people around him.  

    I am trying to find some groups or clubs he can attend this is my first comment but if there is any information related to north wales area it would be appreciated.

    good luck with youth club

  • Thank you for sharing your thoughts.  You have raised some really interesting points that I hadn't considered.  Does my son have a positive image of himself as an autistic person, and does he have the skills to be happy and fulfilled.  He is embarressed by his autism and doesn't accept he has ASD,  although he has been told of all the famous and talented individuals who have it. 

    I find autistic people quite amazing and rather wonderful.  Harry's brain is wired differently and he sees the world from a different perspective.  It doesn't seem like a disability to me,  more of a gift.

    I am going to view a youth club for autistic children next week to see if Harry will like it.  I think the idea of autistic peers would be really helpful and that is something I will be looking into. 

    Thankyou,  you have been really helpful.

  • Thanks Tom, 

    I appreciate you comments,  you sound at peace with yourself and your life.  I understand that some autistic people prefer their own company and are happy in their own world.  Harry is not like that.  He is super sociable but doesn't understand the unwritten rules of social engagement,  he can't read people and his sense of humour is not always appreciated and can appear immature.  Social interactions can be awkward,  and he is not really fitting in for these reasons.  He is very loney and sad at the moment.

    I am at peace with Harry's autism.  I wouldn't have him any other way because he is wonderful and he wouldn't be Harry without the autism.  The problem as I see it is a world where people fail to embrace those that are a little different,  and they fail to see the wonderful qualities in those people.  Empathy and acceptance seems to be in short supply.  

     Thank you for sharing your experience Tom.  Your the first person to take the time to reply and its so enlightening to hear the experiences and thoughts of others.

    Warmest wishes