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Empathetic deprivation

Rosie33

I would be very grateful for any advice on how to deal with this and use the right words to say 

Our son is in his 30s but cannot show any compassion for illness at all  I've been seriously ill since February I'm slowly getting better but he won't mention it or ask how I am He justs expects me to carry on and when I was completely immobile he would text and say What are doing today I would reply and all I'd get was ok

I'm finding it very hard I know I should be saying Its how he is he can't help it but having been there all his life with all his various health and autism problems I'm finding it hard to cope with when I need support and Im starting to feel resentful which I know is wrong 

if anyone can relate to this and tell me how they coped or make me think differently I'd be so grateful 

He can be the sweetest person ever and then change into someone I love dearly but don't like very much 

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    There are bits of Tom and Aspergerix's posts that resonate with me. I think Tom has broken through further than Aspergerix and he may be further along the path of understanding.

    I was diagnosed with Asperger's at 56 after both my mother and father died - both went through long illnesses and I had to visit both in hospital/care home and helped look after my mother at home. I had a long held phobia of all things medical and was rubbish at offering sympathy. My understanding is that we are blind to others emotions but we are well capable of sympathy but, as Tom says, perhaps need confronting with reality before we are any good at it. I remember my mother telling me that she was really ill. I didn't run away or hide but did come to terms with it and I was there for her from there on in.

    It may help if you tell your son what is happening, tell him that you are suffering and frightened but also reassure him that he and you can cope with it and come out the other side in one piece. Tell him that it is OK to cry and be sorry for himself and for you. It isn't easy but neither is it impossible to break through to get some emotion from him - he is still human after all.