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Death of a family pet.

MoMaHo

We had to have our cat pts a couple of months ago. Our son is 10 and is autistic. He was upset at the time but seemed to deal with it ok. However the last few days have been extremely difficult. His grief is overpowering and I'm at a loss about what to do. I've tried everything I can think of to help him. He is sleeping (if you can call it that) in our room because he thinks I will die if he's not with me. He also talks a lot about dying and about him dying. He's scared to sleep, he doesn't like dreaming because he can't control them. We are waiting for an app with the paediatrician but if anyone has any ideas in the meantime I would be really grateful. 

Parents

  • How sad - the loss of a family pet.

    Your son may have delayed grief which can occur in people including Neuro typical but obviously now knows the cat has gone. His emotions from having Autism are most likley to be more intense anyway than ours. After a bereavement it is also common for us all to become more anxious about future loss and the real vulnerability of being alone through death of a parent/carer or close relative.

    I am wondering however; if together your son and you can select a few old photos of the cat and find some object or toys  associated with play or caring for the cat and together create a memorial box? Chose together the place where the box can be kept close to your sons bed or bedroom so that when your son is alone in his room positive happier memories of the cat can be remembered and re-inforced and a visual comforter to him. This may help lessen his anxiety about being alone in his room and help you get some sleep! Over a period of time; this may help him separate these 2 distressing issues that he is experiencing - manage his grief of the loss of the cat - lessen anxiety about being alone; all whilst supporting his ability that he can return to sleep in his room and that you are there in the morning. You may also you use an alternative - distracting away from the grief by  helping him "prepare" his room for a new pet and chose one together - if this could be a possibility.

    With regards to fear of dying perhaps explore together, as you know your son best; the things involved wth death in accordance with your own beliefs; but reaffirm and name some people that are most likely to still be in his life to continue to care for him to assure him he will not be "alone".

    You know your child best; these may not work, but do feedback to me, thanks Good luck

Reply

  • How sad - the loss of a family pet.

    Your son may have delayed grief which can occur in people including Neuro typical but obviously now knows the cat has gone. His emotions from having Autism are most likley to be more intense anyway than ours. After a bereavement it is also common for us all to become more anxious about future loss and the real vulnerability of being alone through death of a parent/carer or close relative.

    I am wondering however; if together your son and you can select a few old photos of the cat and find some object or toys  associated with play or caring for the cat and together create a memorial box? Chose together the place where the box can be kept close to your sons bed or bedroom so that when your son is alone in his room positive happier memories of the cat can be remembered and re-inforced and a visual comforter to him. This may help lessen his anxiety about being alone in his room and help you get some sleep! Over a period of time; this may help him separate these 2 distressing issues that he is experiencing - manage his grief of the loss of the cat - lessen anxiety about being alone; all whilst supporting his ability that he can return to sleep in his room and that you are there in the morning. You may also you use an alternative - distracting away from the grief by  helping him "prepare" his room for a new pet and chose one together - if this could be a possibility.

    With regards to fear of dying perhaps explore together, as you know your son best; the things involved wth death in accordance with your own beliefs; but reaffirm and name some people that are most likely to still be in his life to continue to care for him to assure him he will not be "alone".

    You know your child best; these may not work, but do feedback to me, thanks Good luck

Children
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