dealing with agressive behaviour and defiance

Hy MummyofManic,

I'm afraid I don't have a magic bullet to fix your son. I do have a question though. I am an autistic adult and one of the strands that I am following is whether there is some influence of diet on behaviour. So, can I ask what he eats? There are some suggestions that some foods really disagree with some people and I have worked out that I react to some fruits (apples, strawberries, tomatoes). My reaction is not a full blown anaphylactic shock but I notice that my tongue swells and I get stomache ache. There is a food allergy/intolerance called pollen fruit syndrome that seems to match my symptoms. I have a suspicion that the physical reaction also brings a mood change but I am finding it hard to put my finger on a precise connection.

I would be interested to know if this is something that you have looked at.

I'm looking for some advice as i'm at the end of my tether. We have been having problems with our son for a couple of yrs now but i kept passing it off as a phase. His behaviour bas increasingly got worse to the point now we have to deal with at least on meltdown a day, during þis we have shouting, spitting, throwing things, he scratches, punches, bites, kicks etc, he then starts sobbing and has quite a low/upset episode. Bis anger can be aimed at any one but mainly me, his mum. This weekend has been particulalry asful and wojld like some ideas of how to deal with some ofnthese behaviours, it upsets me when hes like this and i am fed up with him hurting me. He has been accepted for an assessment and we are just waiting for a date for his appointment but i can't wait that long until we vet some help.

Thank you.

Thank you for you speedy response. 

We have had chaperones in the past but this has only added to his anxiety and I had to withdraw their presence.  He is reluctant to travel in a taxi or on school transport to and from school etc so I drive him all the time and often have knots in my stomach in anticipation of him becoming aggressive towards me whilst driving . 

A taxi screen seems a good idea . I shall do some research to see if I can source a specialist . 

Thank you .

Hi Patient Mum,

Two suggestions

1) You could use some of his PIP/DLA to pay for someone to go with you as a chaperone for him. These allowances are for precisely this sort of extra cost arising from disability.

2) Have you thought of getting a taxi or getting your car fitted out with a taxi screen? I expect that these are available from specialist fitters.

On the swearing issue - presumably you are trying to reward good behaviour and ignore bad behaviour i.e. "Positive Reinforcement".

They may struggle with knowing when it is appropriate to use which type of language - have you heard of Social Stories as methods for teaching the subleties of social rules?

Hello , I'm the mum of a nineteen year old young man with autism and severe learning disability who also has epilepsy and daily seizures. I'm  wondering if anyone can give any advise or suggestions on any aid that can be fitted behind the driver and front passenger seats ( a transparent Perspex screen ? ) to protect me from him leaning forward and trying to hit me whilst I'm driving . This doesn't happen very often but when he gets highly agitated , stressed or unhappy he can have very challenging behaviour and as you can imagine this is highly dangerous whilst he's in the car with me . 

Has anyone experienced this and what have you done to minimise the risk of danger to anyone in the car and least but not last innocent pedestrians or other road users . 

Thank you .

I am new to this. My 6 year old has just been diagnosed with autism. 

At the moment he is swearing when he gets home from school and even swears at the local park and with children around his neighbourhood. We keep on telling him that this is not acceptable but he does not understand. Its getting to the point where I don't want to take him to the park etc.

Has anybody got any advice?

Hi  i have spoke to school about the ehc plan and the sen lead told me that it was very difficult for children to get them as your needs have to be severe.  The example she gave was those children who may have to wear  helmets due to them banging their heads against a wall.   Im so confused as my child has needs and behaviour that challlenges as he has a diagnosis of autism and really struggles at school but they are saying that he is making progress.  Im sooo confused but i have told them im still going to do it and let that la make that decision not the school.

Gramit 108 thankyou again i will keep you posted

Thankyou so much for your response.  Yes maybe he does feel that no one listens to him but I do try and have time for him to talk.  i always ask him about his day when i pick him up from school.  I then get a long list of negative stuff about school and no one plays with him and he hates the teacher etc.  i spend time with him before he goes to bed and have a chat and also when he has had a tantrum and we have both calmed down I talk to him and try to get him to see how he is feeling and his behaviour.   This doesnt always work and hes not the best at communicating and he will then tell me things that have happened months ago. however I will try and make time and listen to him.  i have some activities that I will do with him on anger managemnet and exploring feelings.   Thankyou soo much for your help.  I really appreciate it.  

Hi  

Firstly thankyou soo much for your detailed response I really appreciate it. you have asked if he has a education health care plan- no he hasnt.  the last time I asked for a statement of Educational needs as that was what it was called the school thought that it wasnt appropriate as they were meeting his needs.  i feel that since then  his needs have increased and definitely school are not meeting any of his needs at the moment.  So I will be liasing with school to try.  His defiant behaviour is also observed at school and with his father.  I also have spoke to the school about ODD and they said that it could be a posssibility.  

I feel that the suggestions that you have made ar e absolutely spot on as I have used those techniques in the past  and I will start to implement them again. annd yes you are absolutely right about consistency.  

thankyou so much for the positive words of encouragement.  i really apprecate it as last Night I had lost the will to live.  

Gramit is totally right on this. The methods he quotes are the methods that work with autistic children. It is very difficult to communicate with an autistic child and it takes extra time. They do not understand that your agreement to something yesterday does not mean agreement today. You have to be consistent - only say no when you have really thought about it and are prepared to stick with that decision. only say yes when you have really thought about it and are prepared to stick with it.

One phrase from your post struck me "You never listen is what I get from him" He probably really feels that noone listens to him. He may well feel that noone understands him. You probably have to make a special effort to sit down with him and really listen to what he is saying and try and understand his point of view. This will take much more effort and time than it will for a non-autistic child but you need to make a much more visible demonstration of genuine listening to an autistic child than you would another child.